The Morrey, The Merrier!

NaBloPoMo 2: The quick fail

2011-11-03T22:26:00.002-04:00

Wow, it didn't take me long to fall off the bandwagon on NaBloPoMo, did it? I thought about posting twice yesterday. The first time I was at work and my brain was on rapidfire, trying to find ways to avoid grading a set of tests--but I quashed that little thought and got the tests done. The second time I was at home, but it was late and I wanted to get a stew into the crockpot for us to eat for dinner tonight since I knew I wouldn't have time in the morning. I admit that I decided that we needed to eat more than I needed to blog at that moment, but I also figured that I'd blog after I finished putting the stew together. Then Ellie woke up and that was that.

But here I am. I refuse to give up and at some point, I will do an extra post to make up for it.

So much has happened with Ellie in the last few weeks. She got her first two teeth within 3 days of each other--they're the bottom middle ones and she is adorable. I'm very grateful that she's not a chomper while nursing. She doesn't show them off very often but they're well above the gums now. She's also this.close to crawling. She gets up on all fours as often as possible and rocks back and forth, but hasn't figured out forward movement yet (though she does sometimes end up going backwards). I also appreciate that she waited until a normal age to start crawling. She's been able to sit for a while, and also get herself onto her stomach without falling, but now she's trying to get herself from her stomach into a seated position. She hasn't managed it yet but it's coming. She can also stand on her own for brief periods as long as you give her some back support. I'm just astounded at how strong she is.

She's been talking for two months or so. Just a few words and she doesn't say them often, but they clearly have meaning. She says Mama, Dada, na (for nurse), and broh (for brother). Jason and I think she's working on da (for dog) and also heh-oh (for hello). The last one sounds a lot like uh-oh and I thought that was what she was saying for a long time but she didn't seem to care when I would repeat it back to her. When I say "hello!" after she makes that sound, she gets all excited.

The boys are just enthralled with Ellie. We chose to have another child because Jason and I wanted another child, but watching Patrick and Melkamu with their little sister is just as close as it gets to perfect happiness. They are sweet with her, always wanting to make her happy and smile. Patrick loves to hold her and Melkamu loves to make faces to make her laugh. They are excellent at trying to make her happy if we're in the car and she's crying, and she loves them more than anyone else in the world. We wanted our children to be close to one another and it's so wonderful to see them caring so much about each other.

Oh no, it's time for NaBloPoMo!!!

2011-11-01T11:18:00.004-04:00

I've been particularly slack about writing this year and so I'm making the committment, for the third year in a row, to do National Blog Posting Month. Every day in November, I pledge to post something on my blog. I am, as always, taking suggestions for what you'd like me to write about.

The year has been a year of transitions. Having a third child in general is pretty easy--a lot easier than I was expecting it to be. Ellie as a third child is challenging. She's got SUCH a strong personality. She's amazingly sweet and lovable but never, ever stops. Anything. I have to hold her legs still while she nurses and even so, she's windmilling her arms around when I do that. She flat-out refuses a bottle or sippy cup of pumped milk while I'm gone, which means she nurses most of the night. The idea of her sleeping through the night is laughable. Co-sleeping is saving my sanity.

I'm still sane. Shut up.

The boys are great. Melkamu is thriving in pre-K and loves it. He's learning to write and all sorts of other things, and he loves his class and teachers. He'll be 5 in less than 3 weeks and has been eagerly anticipating his birthday party (which isn't even scheduled yet) for months and months. Patrick is doing well in second grade. He's in the regular gifted program and also the separate math gifted program, and those are keeping him challenged. That's been a problem for him in the past--he doesn't like to fail and so he'll only do things he already knows how to do--but he's really starting to step up and try new things, and be persistent in figuring them out! We're thrilled. They're playing with robots and doing programming in the gifted program and it sounds like lots of fun!

Jason's been in transition all year with regards to jobs. First, his job ended in February. Then he had a temp job in South Carolina from June through July. Then he had a temp job here for three weeks in October. He's starting a new temp job here mid-month. He likes the variety of the document review, which is great, and there's a lot of flexibility with it, so it's actually working out well for us. If it were a steady job, it would be perfect for him. But the temp jobs are doing well enough for us and we're maintaining.

Caesar is in transition--we think. At his annual appointment in July, we were told that he has a splenic tumor and only had 1-3 months to live if it was cancerous. There was an 80% chance that it was cancerous. We elected not to have it removed and biopsied because at his age (he turned 12 last month), it just seemed like unnecessary pain and trauma for him without much gain. He's at the top end of his expected lifespan anyway. So we figured we'd just love on him and make him as comfortable as possible. He started getting skinny and we were watching for signs of pain or discomfort, knowing that we'd have to bring him in if that happened.

He's doing fine. We started feeding him a bit more and he plumped right back up. He doesn't seem in pain at all. He seems completely normal. Maybe he lucked out and has a benign tumor and we'll get to have him around for years to come! (I hope, I hope.)

Anyway, it's required a constant shift around here to stay balanced this year and that killed me for writing blogs. But I'm going to make the committment that BOTH OF MY READERS will find new posts every day this month. And there will be pictures. Lots of pictures.

My baby amuses me

2011-09-25T21:17:00.002-04:00

Or..."No one believes how hard Ellie fights sleep".

Seriously, people don't believe us when we say she doesn't nap. They think she probably naps but a little less than other babies, or a little less regularly. But it's true:

Ellie. Almost. Never. Naps.

There was one day when we thought she'd had a great napping day. She napped for about 90 minutes and we were thrilled. Of course, she did those total of 90 minutes in 5 separate sessions, none of which were longer than 25 minutes. Generally, she'll sleep for a total of 30 minutes a day.

Did I mention she still doesn't sleep through the night? 'Cause she doesn't.

To be honest, it really doesn't bother me that she doesn't sleep through the night. She'll sleep in her pack n play in our bedroom for a few hours, then I'll get up and go into her room with her. We'll nurse and co-sleep the rest of the night. It doesn't feel burdensome and I know that it's limited in time, so I'm enjoying the extra cuddling time.

But this video? That's what she does. And just so you know, she never did fully fall asleep in there. When I took her out, she acted as though she'd never been tired at all. She stayed up until 7:00, then slept for 10 minutes, then woke back up.

Her total napping time today (in 2 sessions) between 7:00 a.m. and 8:30 p.m.? Less than 30 minutes.

Watch and be amazed ;-)

5-minute post

2011-08-31T22:14:00.001-04:00

Just a few things because I'm going to bed in a few minutes but it's been a while since I've posted.

My brother came to visit last week. It was great. He hadn't made it down here since Patrick was just under a year old (though we've seen him when we go to NY) and it was so nice to have him visit. The kids just loved having him here. Well, Ellie took a couple of days to warm up but the boys had a blast playing soccer and reading and generally being insane with Uncle Sean.

My camera's flash card is missing. I am freaked out because my regular laptop has already died and ALL of my digital pictures are on it. I know those can be saved, so those don't worry me too much, but every baby picture of Ellie since about 3 months on is on that flash card and I have no idea what happened to it. I'm about to conduct a completely throrough search that involves moving major pieces of furniture and/or appliances as necessary until it's found.

Melkamu loves loves loves pre-K so far. He gets to play with his friends everyday again (he's been out of daycare since shortly before Ellie was born) and is so proud to have little homework assignments to do. Yesterday he got to fill in a page all about himself and he drew pictures of our family, glued on wooden beads, and wrote his own name. It's awesome to see how much he loves school already!

Ellie's decided that moving is fun. She actually decided it months ago when she started rolling but now she log-rolls, wiggles, army crawls, and squiggles until she gets where she wants to go. It's surprising how fast she can move when she wants! Today, for the very first time, I watched her pushing herself up as high as she could on her arms and also trying to raise her bottom at the same time. Since she can get her knees under herself and push already, once she manages to get her bottom up with her arms also, she'll be off and crawling. I hope I'm not off on my crawling estimate of 7 1/2 months but I'll be surprised if she's not crawling by then.

OK, bedtime!

Awesome things about being a parent...

2011-08-13T00:29:00.000-04:00

1. Indoctrinating your children to be the next generation of fans to your favorite sports teams! Oh yeah, they're all wearing their Dolphins shirts! Are you ready for some football???

(And yes, they all also have Red Sox shirts. They may also get Falcons shirts. They will not, however, be getting Braves shirts. I grew up too much of a Mets fan for that.)

2. Seeing your oldest child so excited to start second grade, and to know he's off to a really good start! Patrick has a new teacher who seems great so far. We're hoping for a great year for him and know that he's going to learn a ton!

3. Watching your middle child write his first words on his own, without any help from Mama or Daddy! Melkamu's really wanted to learn to write for the last few weeks. We've been trying really hard not to push him until he was ready but, like he often does, he decided he wanted to do it and is figuring it out. He's been working on the letters of his name and has that pretty well--needs a little help but can write it entirely himself. Today, though, he was watching Elmo's World on Sesame Street and, after the intro was over, he went and got a piece of paper and a crayon. He wrote the "ELO" part and then asked me what it said. I knew where he was going with it and said "If you put in an M, it will say ELMO." And he did! I could not be prouder of how much he is learning lately, and can only imagine how he will blossom when he starts Pre-K in 10 days.

4. Realizing your youngest child can sit on her own for 20 seconds or more at a time! Ellie's been pushing up so high on her arms and I knew she could hold herself up with minimal help but I discovered today that she really doesn't even need the minimal help as much as I thought she did. I am constantly astounded by how strong my daughter has become!

It's been a good week for us, in case you couldn't tell :-)

Ellie at 5 months

2011-08-08T09:34:00.000-04:00

I love watching my kids growing and turning into the people that they become. It's one of the most awesome things about being a parent.

Eleanor turned 5 months old yesterday and is such a unique little person in this family! She is such a big girl, so long and perfectly chubby, and is so strong. I don't think I posted that at 4 months, she was 16 lb 7 oz (93rd percentile) and off-the-charts for height...but she has my little pinhead in the 40th percentile. Those are exactly the same percentiles as when she was born, so she's staying the course!

She was holding her head up briefly the night she was born and has continued to have fast muscle development ever since. She rolled front-to-back at 5 weeks 6 days old old, back-to-front at 3 months 12 days old, and is currently working on pulling her upper body into a sitting position (and I really mean currently, since I'm typing one handed with her on my lap). She can stay sitting without support briefly and is getting better at balancing like that every day. She pushes up so far on her arms while she's on her stomach that she can get her whole upper body off the floor and can also get her knees under herself and tries to push. If she puts those two together, we're in trouble ;-) I'm predicting 7 1/2 months for crawling for her. Let's see how close I am!

Jason and I have always subscribed to the belief that babies can't do everything at once--they'll develop physical skills for a while, then hold constant at that level of physical development while they work on verbal skills, and so forth. Ellie kind of does everything at once. She's doing wonderfully on physical skills, and is such a talker! She babbles all sorts of sounds--dadada, bababa, nanana, mamama--and recently has taken to blowing raspberries. The other day she was babbling "Dadadada" and then blowing raspberries. Jason said "Oh great. She's waited 5 months to tell the world that Daddy is gassy."

Here she is with Jason and her crinkle lion. She also has a crinkle elephant and crinkle dog, and they are her absolute favorite toys.

She also recognizes certain words. One of her all-time favorites is "nurse", as in "Do you want to nurse?" It calms her instantly if she's upset and frequently she'll use her "na" sound when I say that. I don't think she's *quite* to talking yet but she really, really wants to. Who would have figured that we'd have another chatterbox in this family? I figured she'd be very close-mouthed and taciturn like her brothers.

I think I just cracked a rib trying not to laugh. BWAHAHAHAHA!

Anyway...

Speaking of her brothers, nothing--and I mean absolutely nothing, not even nursing--makes her happier than Patrick and Melkamu. She lights up as soon as she hears their voices, turning towards them and smiling and babbling to them. She grabs for them (especially Patrick's hair), smiles and laughs when they give her hugs and kisses, and tries to get to them if they're not right next to her. For their part, they are awesome big brothers. Patrick sings to her whenever she's upset and Melkamu always wants to give her hugs and kisses. They both adore her and the level of hero-worship that she has for them is impossible to resist!

Ellie still doesn't nap much or sleep through the night but we do think the napping is improving in the last two weeks. She's actually started falling asleep during the day and, as long as we don't move her from where she is, she'll stay asleep for a while. Unfortunately, as she usually falls asleep in some inopportune place (the couch, the floor, our waterbed), we can't leave her there to sleep unattended and trying to put her in her crib generally wakes her. Since she's nursing, we co-sleep a lot at night. We usually start the nights in our own beds (her in a crib, of course) and then when she wakes up hungry, I'll lay down with her, latch her on, and go back to sleep. She does sleep for one or two 4-5 hour stretches most nights, along with some shorter ones, and stays asleep until about 7:30 a.m. Because we co-sleep, I don't feel particularly sleep-deprived. It's not much interruption in sleep to grab her from her crib and lay down with her nursing so the fact that she's not sleeping through the night really isn't a problem.

My Ellie-bean prefers draft exclusively--straight-from-the-tap or not at all, in her mind. And hey, who doesn't prefer draft to bottle? It's made things a little tough for her at times when I've had to teach in the late evenings but up until now hasn't really been an issue. It will become more of one when I go back to work in the days next week. Jason will be home with her but since she won't take a bottle and won't start solids for another month, she may be hungry quite often. I suspect they'll take some trips to my office so I can nurse her. We've also got some new sippy cups and are going to see if she will drink expressed milk from them. If not--well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I have heard about reverse-cyclers who won't take a bottle during the day while the moms are at work but nurse a lot more at night to make up for it and suspect that's probably what will happen. It's also the reason that I haven't worried about her not sleeping through the night. Why try to get her to sleep through now when she's going to need more nursing time then if she still refuses to take her milk any other way?

She's changing so much every day. Her eyes are still a pretty blue-gray but are showing a little more brown, so it will be interesting to see if they stay blue-gray like Jason's or turn brown like mine. Her hair is definitely blonde and is starting to get longer. Poor baby is going to have a mullet for a while. We're about to switch to 9-12 month clothes (hello fall consignment sales!) and are getting a highchair so she can sit with us at meal times (since her current mealtime position, sitting on my lap, is harder to maintain now that she can reliably grab my plate and try to pull it off the table). She likes to be in the middle of everything and doesn't want to miss a minute of the excitement.

I love getting to know Ellie and finding out who she is! The first term I used to describe her is always "sweetie", closely followed by "strong-willed". Both of these are good qualities to have and I can't wait to see what she does with them in the future!

Tap tap tap

2011-08-05T15:08:00.000-04:00

Is this thing still on?

Ahem...

You may have noticed that I disappeared for awhile. I know you were anxiously awaiting another installment of The Morrey, The Merrier's antics because it is such a shining beacon in an otherwise dreary day. I'm sure that this blog signifies hope, love, light, and courage that brings you joy and happiness.

The silence coming from your end suggests that I might have been mistaken. How embarrassing.

It's been an interesting summer at Casa Morrey. Jason was gone for 7 weeks. It was a tough 7 weeks, though I have to admit that I feel something of a sense of pride that I managed to hold everything together on my own. We saw Jason several of those weekends and I did have a lot of help. Jason's wonderful mom came in to help me during a week when my babysitter was away, other friends helped when I had meetings, and my dad came to help during finals--but all of us were surprised and thrilled when Jason was able to come home for good at the same time!

Despite being insane with work (3 classes, 2 of which I'd never taught fully online before), I survived the summer home with the kids by not sleeping much and consuming copious quantities of sugar and caffeine. The boys say they had a good summer and that's really what matters--they were already going to be dealing with enough with Jason being gone, so I didn't want them also to have a mama that was always working during the day. We had fun with playgroup, lots and lots of playdates, trips to Charleston and Florida, and canning.

OK, *I* had fun with canning. I can't vouch for the kids. They had fun with the berry picking and the farmers' market outings to get the things that went into the canning process, at least!

I'm sensing thoughts of "Where are the damned pictures?" from your end of the computer. I'll just get to them, shall I?

The trip to Charleston! We spent a day on the beach. Kamu got knocked down by a wave within the first few minutes and decided he didn't like the ocean, so he spent the day building sandcastles. Patrick was in the water, out to build sandcastles, back in the water, out to eat some snacks, back in the water, bodysurfing, out to play catch, back in the water...

Ellie looks adorable but hated the beach that day. This was about the only time she was out of my arms and not crying. But check out the hat! I am not a girly person except for accessories. Ellie's hat collection is awesome. Sadly, she's growing out of them. Happily, that means I can buy more!

The boys were worn out after the beach.

We took a trip to the USS Independence the next day. The kids were awed by the size of an aircraft carrier!

I talk about how big Eleanor has gotten but it's hard to put that together with how tall she really is. She'll be 5 months old on Sunday. I took this picture about a month ago. She's wearing 6-9 month clothes in this picture. By now, that outfit is *almost* too small.

Patrick, age 7 1/2, self-portrait.

Ellie gets some quality time with Patrick's favorite stuffed animal Shamoops while laying on Kamu's bed.

All three of my munchkins!

Ellie meets her Great Grandma Lore for the first time. I hope I look half as good when I'm 3 months shy of 90!

The whole family (plus an astronaut) at Kennedy Space Center. Ask Patrick about the Saturn V...but only if you have LOTS of time free!

And peach salsa, pre-canning! (I couldn't let the whole post go without a picture of it ;-) ) Isn't it pretty?

Got it!

2011-06-27T10:31:00.000-04:00

I finally got Ellie on video rolling over from back to front! I've been trying to catch this for the last week. It's quick, since she was already 3/4 of the way over when the camera finally turned on, but I've already posted photos of her most of the way over and so you've seen that part. You can tell from the ease with which she gets that bottom arm out from under herself once she's on her tummy that she's been practicing this A LOT this past week! Fortunately, she hasn't put together the fact that she can now roll both ways, or even that if she gets herself onto her tummy, she can also roll back off of it. (Phew!)

Don't blink or you'll miss it!

(And there will be a new post soon about our weekend in Charleston, which was great.)

Passing time

2011-06-10T22:46:00.000-04:00

The kids and I get a lot of calls from concerned people lately. We really are doing OK, though we do love having so many people supporting us through Jason's job away from home. Jason tells me that, from what he's seen of me, single parenting requires a lot of caffeine. Thankfully this doesn't seem to bother Eleanor--she doesn't really sleep much during the day anyway and I haven't noticed a decrease in that little bit of sleep, or in fussiness or anything. This is a very good thing.

We're keeping busy. Last summer I worked while being home with the boys and didn't do a great job of keeping work separate from spending time with them. I was so focused on getting the work done that I spent way more time working during their awake hours than I would have liked. That's changed this summer. I do some work during the day but mainly while they're in quiet time. Most of it gets done after they go to bed. I'm spending more time letting them have fun this summer--we've been going swimming a lot, going to our playgroup, just spending time with friends. The kids haven't gotten really bored yet (of course, it's only been 3 weeks) and I find it's easier when they're not bored. I have a couple of things I'm saving for rainy days or those times when they get really bored.

OK, I know you're not here to listen to me blather about things like that. I actually have some more substantive posts that I'm slowly writing piecemeal but it's hard to find time to do this at all. Ellie is getting more and more fun lately. She isn't screaming as much of the time, to the rejoicing of my ears, and spends an awful lot of time cooing and babbling and such.

She's taking an interest in toys...particularly in eating them. Caterpillars are especially tasty when one is teething.

She's also decided that rolling front to back is all well and good, and she'd like to find out more about this whole rolling back to front thing. In the last two days, she has managed to turn the lower half of her body from back to front and get her upper body onto the side. All she needs is a little more upper body momentum to get that arm out from underneath and she will have officially rolled back to front. Today I helped her with that last little bit of arm movement to get her onto her stomach, and she promptly rolled onto her back again. It was basically her way of telling me "I've mastered about 3/4 of rolling. One of these days, you'll look over and I'll be halfway across the room." Because what I need is a rolling 3-month-old.

The kids are particularly cute these days. Last night they were all sleeping in amusing ways, so I broke out the camera! It's 95 degrees here (76 in the house). The boys consisently choose to wear fleece and flannel pajamas. I don't get it.

Last night Patrick also chose to bury himself in his blankets, because that's what you need in Atlanta in June.

Melkamu slept on top of the blankets but decided his feet needed the pillow more than his head.

And Ellie has been choosing to sleep sideways in the bassinet. I put her down normally every night and she immediately squirms sideways.

Making adjustments

2011-06-07T00:50:00.000-04:00

Ellie turns 3 months old tomorrow. That, in and of itself, is an adjustment. She's such a fun little baby girl. Definitely still very temperamental but hey, at least you never have to guess what she's thinking! I'm not sure exactly how big she is now but at 2 months she was in the 92nd percentile for weight (13 lb 1 oz) and 96th for length (24+")--these are about the same percentages as her birth percentages, so she's staying on the same track. I think she's getting it from Melkamu's side of the family. Naturally, to maintain this rate of growth, she eats all the time still. She slept through the night on one glorious occasion last week but other than that, she wakes up twice a night or more to nurse. I don't actually expect her to sleep through the night regularly anytime soon. During the day, she nurses once almost every hour. She might go 90 minutes between nursings but somewhere within the 3:00 hour, the 4:00 hour, the 5:00 hour, the...anyway, she's probably eating.

I'm teaching two online classes and a face-to-face lab class this summer. It's a huge amount of work but so far it's going OK and I'm keeping up.

The biggest adjustment for us has been Jason's work. As you know, his job ended in February and he's been looking for a new one ever since. He got called by a legal temp agency about 2 weeks ago to do a job for most of the summer, which was great...

...except that the job is in South Carolina. We live in Atlanta. Atlanta is not in South Carolina. Atlanta is too far from South Carolina to commute.

This poses several challenges. First, a normal summer schedule at my college is two classes--the summer semester is only half the length of a normal semester, so there's twice as much work each week as in a normal spring or fall semester. I took on a third class because Jason wasn't working and it would help us financially. However, I also arranged these classes so that I could still be home with the kids in case Jason got a job (silly me expected that if he got a job, it would be here). Hence, I leave to teach my lab two nights a week at 7:30 p.m., when the boys go to bed, and do my online classes whenever I have a free minute, and most other evenings.

So basically, it's worked out like this: I am currently working 50% more than full-time, while also home full-time with the kids, one of whom is a newborn who doesn't sleep through the night and won't take a bottle. (Don't ask me how it works to be a full-time SAHM and a full-time WOHM/WAHM at the same time. There is no answer.) Jason is renting a room in a house in South Carolina and came home last weekend, but won't be able to come home again for several more weeks because he's expected to work on the weekends. Which means I am also doing everything around the house that I'd normally do plus everything he normally does. Like mowing our lawn. Have you seen our lawn? It's like mowing a black-diamond ski slope in 95F temperatures.

I miss Jason and his lawn-mowing prowess.

The kids are bearing up as much as possible. Melkamu says "I miss Daddy" at least 10 times a day. Patrick will be doing something and say "I have to remember to tell Daddy about this when we talk to him." We're doing all we can to keep up and keep the house together.

And we really, really miss Jason. It was such a nice surprise to have him come home last weekend--we didn't know he'd be able to but they apparently got their first weekend off--but know that he won't be able to do it often. He won't be home for Father's Day weekend, and our 12th anniversary is the next day. That's particularly hard, knowing he won't be here to celebrate his first Father's Day as a dad of three.

We'll adjust as much as we can, and hope that he's home as soon as possible.

Kids, kids, kids

2011-05-16T22:35:00.000-04:00

I have awesome kids.

They are all my sweet peas...one of them almost literally ;-)

They look cool.

They love to read.

They are creative.

They love to cook.

My kids rock.

Just a quickie

2011-04-21T21:35:00.003-04:00

(As a side note, have I mentioned how much I love the movie "Mr. and Mrs. Smith"? I could watch it all the time. And "Ever After".)

I finally got Eleanor smiling on camera! This is the cutest picture ever. She still has her dark blue eyes but they are starting to turn a little more gray. She is such a sweet little girl. Definitely more temperamental than Patrick was as a baby, with her own ideas on everything, but sweet as can be. She rolled over front-to-back for the first time at 5 weeks, 5 days old. I told her how impressed I was and promptly told her not to do it again--she's too young to start things like that ;-) She weighed in at 11 lb 10 oz at 6 weeks old, up from her birth weight at 8 lb 14 oz. She comes with me to teach my pharmacology class each week and either stays with my department chair or sleeps in the sling while I talk.

My baby girl is growing up way too fast, but we are loving every day of it.

Three is even more fun than two

2011-04-09T15:22:00.005-04:00

One of Ellie's nicknames is "Wiggle Worm". She was just introduced to the play gym two days ago and so far, she really likes it. It's about the only place that she's willing to be put down while awake without screaming her sweet little head off.

Caesar likes having Ellie down at his level.

Patrick and Kamu love Ellie to pieces. They sing songs to her when she cries, hold her hands, give her hugs and kisses, and are really gentle with her. Kamu occasionally gets a little tired of how often she eats ("You nursing the baby again?!?!?!") but other than that, his transition to big brother has been remarkably easy--much more so than I'd expected. He does take advantage of anytime I put Ellie down to cuddle with me but that's certainly to my benefit as much as his :-)

Eleanor doesn't mind tummy-time too much because it gives her easy access to slurp on her fist, which she loves. (And yes, I know she's in pink and flowers and ruffles in this picture. Some of it is kind of cute. Most of it makes me itch.)

A little bit of Eleanor in my life

2011-04-07T21:04:00.001-04:00

I've been told I'm not blogging enough since Ellie came. Mind you, I would argue that having blogged twice in the last month is pretty darned good for me but apparently ~~my mom and sister~~ others have a different view. I admit that it is hard to blog with a baby who refuses to be put down for more than two seconds while awake or five minutes while asleep, primarily because I can't sit close enough to the desktop to type or put the laptop on my lap. And the fact that she nurses all the time which means, at best, I have one hand free while the other holds her.

Then again, I can't argue with wanting to see more of this sweet pea. She is a month old today--I can hardly believe it! It feels like she's been with us forever and yet no time at all.

Eleanor is a wonderful little girl. (Look, I almost caught her smiling! She's been smiling at me for about two weeks and has just started smiling at other people.)

She's always on the go with her big brothers (though no one ever sees her since she's always in the sling).

Here she is on top of Stone Mountain!

I admit that I'm having trouble getting into girl-type clothes, but there are some awfully cute ones out there that are not pink and flower-covered and ruffly. Then again, Ellie looks cute in everything...

...dressed like a little pink teddy bear...

...sundresses...

...frogs and Spiders... (She was mad at us for not having her early enough to work on her brackets. She rooted for Richmond, of course, though she cried through much of the Kansas game)

...and anything else she wears. For the record, she's wearing 3-6 month sizes as of her one-month birthday. Yikes, this girl can grow!

Eleanor is starting to get onto somewhat of a more typical newborn schedule. She's up a little more often at night, to the detriment of my sleep, but we do often take a morning nap together. Actually, in the last few days she has started to take a morning nap and an afternoon/evening nap, so it's a little more predictable. She's much more alert during the day, which is lots of fun. While she still cluster nurses, she doesn't generally do it for 3-4 hours at a time anymore...it's usually only 1.5-2 hours, which is a vast improvement. Lately, she's decided that she won't cry when she's not hungry or overtired as long as you don't stop moving. "Moving" involves bouncing her, swaying, and walking--all at the same time. Sometimes it alxo involved patting her back and shushing her. This may be why I've lost weight so quickly.

We are indeed lucky to have our baby Ellie in our family!

"Oh, she's going to be a delightful 2-year-old"

2011-03-15T15:37:00.000-04:00

Our Eleanor has a temper. Everyone told me girls were more dramatic than boys, but I kind of thought we had more than a week before we were forced to admit it. Silly me.

She is the sweetest, most content baby most of the time. When she is awake, as long as she's not hungry, she is happy to play the tongue-sticking-out game, the finger-grabbing game, etc. She can hold her head up for a few seconds at a time and enjoys looking all around. She likes dancing around the kitchen and prefers hip-hop to anything else I've tried, though she will tolerate country and rock. She likes to be held all the time and is sleeping with me in the nursery for now because she doesn't like to be alone in the bassinet. She'll wake up a few times to nurse at night but I fall back to sleep once she's latched on. We generally get a 4- or 5-hour stretch of sleep (after a 3- or 4-hour stretch of nursing--she is a cluster nurser to the nth degree) and a couple of 2-3 hour stretches out of her. Yesterday and today, Ellie and I got up with the rest of the family while Patrick was getting ready for school, then took a 3-hour nap after he left. Given that she's a newborn, we're reasonably well-rested. I don't expect it to last but each day she goes like this is certainly helpful!

But woe betide you if she's hungry.

Ellie doesn't cry. Ever. If she's not hungry, she's not crying--she's either sleeping or happy to be awake, looking around with her big blue eyes. If she's hungry, she screams. There is no warning beyond some squirming and turning red for a few seconds. Then she yells with all her might until she has no choice but to take a breath. She flails her fists (Patrick came down the other day and said "I got beat up by a baby girl!"). She arches her back. She turns bright red. She tries to nurse on your chin or arm, or any other body part she can get her mouth on. She is the angriest, hungriest baby ever because the food is not there RIGHT THAT SECOND. It doesn't matter if she's eaten 2 hours before or if I'm just switching her to the other side after finishing the first.

If the food doesn't come fast enough, in her opinion, she does what Jason calls "playing dead" (this only happens if someone else is holding her). She stops crying and goes entirely limp. She closes her eyes. As soon as I take her, she immediately opens her eyes, yells at me, and starts trying to nurse through my shirt.

Today, I had the selfish notion that I should feed myself--after all, if the food source does not occasionally get nourished and watered, she has trouble producing food for Her Highness. And shamefully, I wanted warm food--clearly, that was taking way too long. Jason was holding Eleanor. He tried rocking her. She yelled. He tried putting her in the bouncy chair. She screamed. He picked her back up and rocked her some more. She yelled louder until her voice started going hoarse, then played dead. (This all took a grand total of no more than 5 minutes.) Mind you, I'd finished feeding her right before I handed her to Jason.

When I sat down to nurse her 30 seconds later, she was all sweetness and light as soon as she latched on. She spends 99% of her day like that. It's only the other 1% of the day when she's hungry and not actively eating that she turns into this 9-lb raging red ball of baby.

It's impossible not to be head-over-heels in love with this little girl, even when she's not so happy.

Eleanor Desta has arrived!

2011-03-10T01:40:00.000-05:00

We welcomed our daughter, Eleanor Desta, to the world on March 7! She sure took her sweet time in arriving but as she is such a sweet little baby, it seems appropriate that she made such a wonderful entrance. Ellie kept us guessing about when she would come right until the end--well, she kept me guessing until the end. Everyone else who was here seemed to know a lot sooner than I did :-)

I started having the contractions that ultimately led to her birth at about 11 a.m. on March 6, while I was waiting for Patrick's Sunday school to end. We got home around 1 p.m. and I told Jason that I was having contractions about 4-5 minutes apart and had been for a couple of hours. "So, just another Sunday?" he asked. "Yep, pretty much," I told him. I'd had contractions like those multiple times in the last few weeks. One of those times they were like that for 22 hours, so I didn't read anything into them.

They started getting the tiniest bit stronger and around 3 p.m. I decided to take a nap. After laying in bed for about 15 minutes, I had one and actually felt downward movement from the baby, so I thought I'd call my midwife and give her a heads-up that something might be happening (this will be a recurring theme). I had a contraction while on the phone and apparently my midwife said to herself "Oh yeah, she's in labor." She called her apprentice to let her know.

I got up since I didn't like being in bed anymore and just hung around downstairs for a couple of hours. My midwife called back around 5:30 to see how I was doing and said she and her apprentice would just come over and see what was going on. They came around 6:15 or so and listened to the baby's heartbeat, asked how I was doing, etc. Around 8 p.m., we'd put the kids to bed and everyone started bringing equipment in from the car. I called my friends who were coming and told them that the baby would probably come that night. Mind you, I didn't believe it but figured that if my midwife was bringing things inside, it was a reasonable thing to do.

My friends got there within the hour and we all sat around waiting for something to happen beyond the contractions. And waiting. And waiting. They were pretty regular and certainly stronger compared to earlier, but I didn't buy it. I did get into the birth tub at one point but my contractions basically stopped after that, so I got back out and went back to what I'd been doing.

I did a lot of laboring like this. Jason was an awesome coach, of course.

At around 1:30 a.m., I decided to lay down for a while. I was tired and nothing seemed to be happening, so Jason and I went upstairs to take a nap. I slept until about 4:30 a.m., then Jason suggested we walk around downstairs for a while. We did that for a little over an hour and the contractions picked right back up. I still thought it might fizzle out again, but my midwife's apprentice watched me labor for a while and called my midwife to come back (she lives close by and had gone home to get a bit of sleep so that her apprentice could use our guest room). It was a good thing everyone else believed I was really in labor, because I certainly didn't!

Still, we kept on all morning. I spent some more time in the tub, more time laying down, a little more time sitting. I was able to eat and drink as I needed. The kids were awesome--they watched videos on iPads and played upstairs and read some stories. My friends Rachel and Lovisa were fantastically helpful--making coffee, entertaining the kids, helping me with whatever I needed, keeping me entertained between contractions. We talked a lot and it gave Jason the freedom to help me emotionally and physically. He was the one always there wherever I was, to help keep track of how things were going, giving me lots of excellent massages, encouraging me every minute.

I'm not sure when I got back in the tub for the last time but I was in there through Ellie's birth. I'd been having really powerful contractions--the last of which actually had me in tears--but when I got back in, they became so manageable! I could still feel them but they didn't hurt much anymore, even though they were clearly just as strong as they'd been. It was wonderful. I was able to eat some lunch about an hour before she came.

Everyone else knew what was happening. I, despite being the one actually in labor, didn't really believe it was going to happen. At 3 p.m., we heard Patrick's bus come by and Jason remarked that Patrick could have gone to school that day. I said "No, the baby will probably come today so I'm glad he stayed home." And immediately, everything picked up. I went into transition and had a couple of contractions that had me sobbing. My midwife checked me because I felt like I wanted to push and said "There's the baby's head."

Me (now sobbing semi-happily): "Oh, I'm so glad. I was afraid you'd check and I'd be like 5 cm." Everyone else laughed but I'd been serious--that's how much in denial I'd been all day. (Mind you, it was the one and only time I was checked.)

Push #1 was at 3:02 and was so intense that I felt there was no way I could do it (I yelled a lot more this time around than I did with Patrick). My water broke with push #2. I could feel the baby's head with push #3--that was when the kids came in and I told them that it was OK if I yelled, it was hard work but I was OK. Push #4 had the baby's head out. Push #5 brought our beautiful baby out into the world at 3:18 p.m., screaming and pink and perfect and chubby.

I asked Patrick whether he had a brother or a sister and he said "Brother." Then someone moved the umbilical cord and asked if he wanted to look again, and he said "It's a girl." We told him her name so that he could share it. Melkamu came over and touched her head, smiling the whole time even though he'd said he wanted a brother. I said that she was so big and thought she was around 8 lb--my midwife said "Maybe 7 1/2 or 8 lb." And I said "She has hair!"

We didn't weigh her for several hours but when we did, we found that she was actually 8 lb 14 oz. I can't believe I grew an almost-9 lb baby girl to 40w2d and delivered her naturally at home! (For reference, Patrick was born at 37w5d weighing 6 lb 11 oz.) Her head is so perfectly round because my water didn't break until minutes before she was born, so she was cushioned the whole time. I look at her now and wonder how she could possibly have fit inside me!

We are incredibly lucky to have her. She is a cluster nurser and will nurse basically every hour for several hours, then sleep for about the same number of hours. She only cries when she's hungry or needs to be changed, and has been much more alert today. Her name, Eleanor Desta, is a very special one to us--she is named after Jason's grandmother Ellen. Her middle name is an Ethiopian name that means "Happiness", which honors Melkamu's firstmom since her name, although different, means the same thing.

My blue eyed, dark-haired baby girl.

I can't tell you how my heart filled with happiness when Jason said "Hey, how are my girls?" as I nursed her the other night.

The boys really, really love their baby sister.

A lot.

Jason could not be happier to have a daughter.

She's been out for fewer than 60 hours but has already helped make our family even more complete. Welcome, my Ellie. We've been waiting for you for a very long time.

The lazy photoblogging day

2011-02-09T12:10:00.000-05:00

Some of them are kind of old but here they are!

Kamu and Grandma

Both kids and Grandpa

The kids out playing on a white Christmas! This was not the horrible ice/snow storm from January, thankfully.

Kamu likes to cuddle and our blue chair is excellent for that. He's been particularly cuddly lately (I don't think he's quite ready to stop being the baby of the family). I think I'm around 30 weeks in this picture, but it's hard to see anything.

Patrick's packed on some pounds of muscle lately, and he and Melkamu occasionally enjoy playing "horsie". (It's also good that Melkamu's legs are long enough that he can reach the ground when he's "riding" Patrick.

Kamu loves his dogs. Nietzsche isn't doing well (you can see how skinny he is in this picture) and can't walk on his back left leg anymore but doesn't seem to be in pain and is still eating and going up and down stairs, so we're very glad for every day we get with him.

The dogs love Kamu also. This is how Jason found Kamu and Caesar this morning when we went to wake them up.

OK, you asked for it. Me at ~26 weeks pregnant.

Me this morning at 36 1/2 weeks pregnant. If I don't pop soon, I'm going to start growing out of a lot of maternity clothes.

Home is where the heart is

2011-02-07T16:51:00.000-05:00

36+ weeks pregnant now and at some point there will be a picture of me pregnant...assuming that Jason takes one sometime before I actually have this baby. I think I've got one from Halloween and there are a couple from when I went to NY for my dad's retirement party in November but since then, I don't know that there are any at all. Then again, I'm usually the one behind the camera so pictures of me are few and far between anyway.

Let's just say that I've grown.

I have a lot of contractions lately. They are Braxton-Hicks contractions, since I'm not actually in labor, but that's really long to type. Today, for example, they've been about 5-10 minutes apart for several hours. Some people would get excited/nervous about that and probably not be planning to teach for 4 1/2 hours tonight, but I've learned from experience. 12 days ago, they were 3-8 minutes apart for 12 hours. It was irritating since I knew I wasn't in labor and it was the middle of the night and for crying out loud, could I not just get a break long enough to fall asleep?

I'm a little cranky right now.

At this point, I'm just holding out for 37 weeks, which will be on Saturday. At 37 weeks I can have a homebirth. Before then, it's not a great idea for the baby's health and we're not about to risk that! 5 more days until I do what I did with Patrick--look at my stomach and invite the baby to come out any time he/she wants. Patrick was obliging and came 5 days later. I'm actually hoping this little one will wait a bit longer, as Jason's job ends on the 16th and then he wouldn't have to worry about taking off for one of his last few days. Plus, I'm still trying to work for as long as I can. But babies have minds of their own and I know very well that I don't get a say in it! If the baby decides to come before then, I have a very nice practice of hospital-based midwives who will care for us at the hospital. As much as I like them, I still don't want to be in the hospital.

I've been pleasantly surprised at how much support I've found for homebirthing. I'd heard many horror stories about the lack of support from friends and family from my Bradley students who wanted to homebirth, and I'm very happy that I haven't experienced that at all. Most people are excited, or at least surprised but supportive, that we'll be having the baby at home. When people ask where I'm having the baby, I reply "At home." I even said it to my GP when the kids went for their physicals, and her response was "Oh, how exciting--what a great experience!" (And that's why I love her.)

Some people choose to homebirth because they've had horrible hospital experiences and don't want that again. We didn't. Our hospital experience was fine. I'd even venture to say that it was pretty good. We had a supportive OB last time and he made all the difference in the world for that to happen. We just didn't see the need to do it again. The idea of homebirth has always intrigued me and now that we're looking at it happening soon (I hope...not before 37 weeks, kiddo), it relaxes me. Oh, there's a lot to prepare before then...but it's at home. I know where everything is at home. If we forget to put something out, it's either in the house somewhere or there's a store within two miles that carries it. If our kids get bored or worried or anything else, we have four families on our street who've offered to take them anytime, day or night. We'll have access to our favorite foods whenever we want them. I won't have to feel self-conscious about random people watching me walk the halls because the only people who will be there will be those who love and support us. The kids can be there to see their new baby sister or brother right away.

It just feels right for us. I'd been prepared to face a lot of criticism, both overt and subtle, based on what I'd heard from others who'd planned to homebirth...but it's been so nice to be wrong about that.

Heartbreaking

2011-01-07T23:12:00.000-05:00

I recently wrote about how Melkamu's been through a lot, and how we sometimes forget it. Actually, I wrote about it twice in different ways. He's generally such a sweet, happy, fun-loving kid that it's easy to just see that and not think about how much he's been through. And that's as it should be. We don't ever forget that he has a firstfamily, that his Aachie is back in Ethiopia, that they love him also; but we don't focus on it every day. In fact, we rarely do--although I think about his Aachie almost every day and we do look at her picture or watch the video of Kamu with her or look at his "Aachie book" fairly frequently, we do it to remember his first family's role in his life, not to be sad. We don't focus on the losses that he's had as a routine matter because the reality is that regardless of what's happened in the past, we are a family now and we just go on about our lives as they are.

I put dreams into four basic different categories: good dreams, bad dreams, nightmares, and night terrors. Good dreams are lovely or indifferent or even weird, but not bothersome. Bad dreams are slightly disturbing but not too bad--maybe they wake you up a little but you can go back to sleep. Nightmares are bad--they wake you up and then you have trouble falling back to sleep, because you're afraid they'll come back. Night terrors are the ones that you can't get out of, that seem never-ending.

Kamu had a night terror tonight.

He wasn't feeling great earlier, so I let him fall asleep in my bed as I read in there. About 2 hours after he fell asleep, he started to get anxious in his sleep--squirming around, fretting. Then he started to cry and shake. Then he sobbed for his mama, even though I was already holding him and trying to soothe him. Then he wet the bed. That's when I knew that he was having a night terror, not just a bad dream or even a nightmare. I can't even tell you the last time he wet the bed. It has to have been close to a year ago, if not longer.

Thankfully Jason came up right at that moment and helped me get him out of bed, sobbing and anxious and terrified, so that we could get cleaned up. I brought him into the shower with me. His eyes were open but he kept sobbing "I want my mama. I want my mommy." I kept hugging him and saying "I'm right here and I won't ever leave you," but it didn't make any difference. I don't think he was even awake yet--he could not pull out of this night terror. At one point I even said "Look at me, baby, who am I?" He said, "My mama...I want my mama." I got him cleaned off and handed him out to Jason so that he could get him dry and clothed while I finished washing off.

I went into his room after my shower. Jason had gotten him settled and he was finally calm and asked me to cuddle him. When I laid down, he said "I had a bad dream in the shower." I said I knew he did. He said "You were there?" He genuinely wasn't sure. I said I was and promised yet again not to leave him, that I would always be his mama.

Finally he'd pulled out of it. He was OK with my going downstairs a few minutes later as he was on the verge of sleep, and gave me a kiss and said "I love you." Now he's sound asleep.

Seeing him like that makes me want to sob and cry. His bad dreams and nightmares are about being lonely. His night terrors are always about me leaving him in particular. He hasn't had one in a long time but they're always just awful and generally, I'm not the one who can calm him down--Jason can do it but I can't. It almost feels like his brain is so locked into the idea that I've left him that he can't comprehend that I really am still there. I can't even say what might have triggered it today, as I kept him home from school since my sister is here visiting and we were together all day. Maybe it was nothing in particular, maybe it's that he wasn't feeling well, maybe I just don't know what it was.

It makes me feel so helpless to see him so utterly terrified that I will leave him, and I can't even bring him out of it to tell him I'll always be there. To watch him on a daily basis, you'd never, ever know. But it's always there in him.

Recent changes

2010-12-14T10:01:00.000-05:00

We're rapidly moving to the point of having a family with three children (I'm 28 1/2 weeks pregnant now) and preparing for that has been surprisingly low-key. Most of that is because we already have children and there's very little that we need. Oh sure, there are a few things that we'd either borrowed the first time around or have given away since Patrick was a baby but we have a crib, we have a carseat, and we have clothes. Since I'll be nursing the baby, that's practically all we'll need. The changes to our household until the baby actually arrives are pretty minimal. The playroom/guest room is being converted back to a nursery, but that's simply a matter of moving furniture and toys. I'm still reasonably comfortable and so our normal activities have stayed the same.

One bigger change that I have noticed is the sharp drop-off in the times that we've been asked if we adopted because we couldn't have more of 'our own'. (I mentioned at one point that all of my children are mine, regardless of what blood we contain, so I won't address that again right now.) Apparently the fact that I could get pregnant again and am now visibly so means that we clearly didn't adopt for reasons of infertility. And ultimately, that's true. We didn't adopt because I am infertile. We adopted because it was how we chose to build our family. We had the option of doing more fertility treatments and trying to get pregnant again then, we had the option of choosing to raise Patrick as an only child--we had many other options. We had already planned to adopt before Patrick was born. We chose to adopt at that time because it was the right choice for us. Living in our family now, I can't imagine having made any other choice.

What makes me uncomfortable is not that view because really, it's fine that people don't look at our family and see "adoption" = "infertility". I wish more people realized that no one adopts because it's their only choice--everyone has other options. It makes it easier on me and it certainly will make it easier on Melkamu not to be hearing that all the time and wondering if that's the only reason. No, what makes me uncomfortable is that people seem to have transitioned to the view that for our family, "adoption" = "selfless rich people who saved a poor little starving orphan".

Ugh.

I've written about the costs of adoption in the past. That post has nothing to do with money, and money really isn't the biggest part of adoption--we are certainly not rich. We are not selfless. We wanted another child. We chose to adopt a child from another country, which means that we took him away from his home country. We also chose to adopt a child of another race, which means that he's being raised in a completely different racial environment than that of his firstfamily. We made those choices deliberately and while we feel like we can do a good job being his parents, we know we're not perfect. There are a lot of burdens to adoption that Melkamu will bear. Selfless? Hardly.

Don't even get me started on "saved".

It's true that his firstfamily was poor...but not all firstfamilies are poor. It's true that he was malnourished and might have starved...but not all firstfamilies lack food. And while he fits the definition of an orphan for international adoption, he does have a living firstmom. Many children who are adopted have living firstfamilies.

When you are a family formed through adoption, you learn a lot more about the world than you might have otherwise. I've learned a lot about Ethiopia that I might not have otherwise been moved to learn, and that would have been a terrible shame because it is a beautiful and fascinating country with an incredibly interesting history. I've learned a lot about international adoption, about the ethics and issues involved in the process--much more so than I knew before we'd started the process or even when we were fully involved in it. I continue to learn more about it now. I've learned a huge amount about adoption in general, about the history of adoption and parenting children by adoption and all the issues (both good and bad) that are involved in adoption.

The changes that our family are making right now have helped me realize that there's even more to learn, and I'm so glad that we chose to adopt so that I had a reason to start doing so.

Snow no!

2010-12-12T15:38:00.000-05:00

Yes, it's snowing in Atlanta. I don't think there's any actual accumulation predicted but it is sticking and we've got big, white flakes coming down. It's very pretty and very, very cold outside. The kids, of course, can't wait to build a snowman. I told them they could probably build a snow ant.

Carrying those scars inside

2010-12-08T12:03:00.000-05:00

Those of you who've met Melkamu know that he is one of the most secure, confident little boys ever. He and Jason drove separately from Patrick and I to the appointment with my midwife the other day and they were a few minutes later than us. Kamu walked in like he owned the place, immediately starting to explain what he and Daddy had been doing. His attitude was "I know I've been missed--let me tell you all about it!" He's really a remarkable kid to have gone through so much change in his life and to have the confidence that he has today.

But sometimes, we're reminded of how badly he's been hurt in the past and right now is one of those times. I had something to do at work that kept me there much later than I'd anticipated, so I didn't get to the daycare to pick up the kids until very shortly before it closed--normally I would have been there by 5 and didn't get there until almost 6:30. Luckily they combine all the kids when it's that late and so Patrick was there with him. When I walked in, Kamu had been cuddling with his teacher and he just walked over to me with the saddest pout on his face. He was so, so sad that I was so late to get him. He also told me that he'd been sad and Patrick had kissed him, which had helped him feel better. Jason and I had talked while I was driving over and decided to take the kids to Chick-Fil-A for dinner, and that cheered him up for the rest of the evening.

He fell asleep in our bed with both Jason and Patrick last night because he didn't want to be alone (even though he and Patrick share a room). Then he had a nightmare last night, which hasn't happened in a long time, and it was about being lonely. Then he didn't want to be dropped off this morning. He hasn't clung so tightly in ages. Normally when I drop him off, he'll give me as quick a hug and kiss as possible so that he can be off playing with his friends. Today he didn't want to let go of me for even a second. The teacher eventually had to peel him off me so I could get to work, and I can't even tell you how miserable I felt for having to leave him on the verge of tears when all he wanted was to stay with me.

When Patrick was that age, he used to get mad at me for picking him up too early because he wanted to stay and play with his friends. Kamu loves to play with his friends but he's never once asked to stay longer. On days when I get there later (around 4:30 on my late days this semester), he always asks "Why you wait so long to get me?" I've always made a point of telling him around what time I'd come get him--not that he understands time on a clock, but I relate it to what they're doing and tell him it will be after naptime, after snacktime, after Patrick gets there, etc. Then he knows when to expect me. I'd told him yesterday that I would be a little later but not too late. When I was really late, he recognized it...and it seems to have brought back out the worry about being left by the people he trusts.

He's so little still and has been through more trauma than any child should have to experience. It's easy to see his sweet nature and confident attitude and forget that he holds those scars within himself, but his vulnerability shows when something like this happens. It doesn't take much to bring it out--just a single day of getting there late to pick him up can bring it all back. His trust that we will be there for him generally seems so strong but those scars make me really just how fragile it can be at times.

Patrick turns 7!

2010-12-03T20:33:00.000-05:00

It is really hard to believe, but my oldest child is SEVEN! Seven years ago, Patrick was born at Crawford-Long Hospital in Atlanta, weighing in at 6 lb 11 oz. A tiny little peanut, perfectly healthy, and very much treasured.

Now look at him. He's gotten so big! He's missing some teeth--but the adult ones are growing in and the window in his mouth is getting smaller. His hair is just below his shoulders. I'm pretty sure he's in another growth spurt (when isn't he in a growth spurt?) because he's been eating like a bear fresh out of

hibernation. He usually eats breakfast at home, like this morning's banana bread, then eats breakfast again when he gets to school. The other day he ate a whole quart of egg drop soup. Tonight he requested chicken with yellow rice for his birthday dinner and ate three helpings. His face has filled out a little and that's usually a sign that he's about to shoot up in height.

He's a voracious reader now. I've taken to sitting in the hall outside the boys' room when they're falling asleep because otherwise, I'll come up at 9:30 and find Patrick still reading. From the kid who didn't want to read because he didn't think he was any good at it to the kid who won't stop reading. I'll admit, it makes me smile. His teacher says he's reading on a second-grade level already, and he's getting better with practice. Patrick loves to read pretty much anything, including Calvin and Hobbes books! He's reading chapter books on his own and we're going to be starting Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone together now that he's 7.

Patrick still loves to draw and do other art projects. We're pretty much limited to drawing at home (because I only let them get out the acrylic paints during the summer when they can go outside), but he draws a ton and is really getting good! The other day he showed us the origami that they'd been doing at school, and he's brought home clay-work and painting and all sorts of things.

He loves soccer and mentioned wanting to take ice hockey lessons the other day. I'm not sure where he got that from since it's a sport that neither Jason nor I watches, but that's what he decided. We're pretty supportive of his ideas but we did veto that one since I'm not sure he's even ever seen an ice hockey game. Perhaps the first step would be to actually take him to a Thrashers game sometime.

We're so proud of Patrick and the way he's developing into his own person. We are so lucky to get to be his family, and can't wait to see what the next year will bring for him!

December 2nd

2010-12-02T09:30:00.003-05:00

December 2nd is a special day in our family's history, though it's not one we often think about.

Seven years ago today, at about 11:30 p.m., my water broke at 37w4d of pregnancy. We were a bit surprised since everyone kept telling me "First babies are always late!". I'd even started to believe them despite my long-held belief that my baby was going to come early. Patrick was born 16 hours later, and made us parents for the very first time.

Three years ago today, I sent an e-mail to our case person at our adoption agency. We'd just had to turn down our first referral for medical reasons a week or so earlier. She had said that when we were ready, there was another little boy she'd like to tell us about. We waited through the weekend to decide if our hearts were ready to take that chance again. On December 2nd, I e-mailed her and said that we'd like to hear about him. She called the next day to tell us about a little boy, just 2 weeks past his first birthday, named Melkamu Delelegn.

It's not a day we celebrate. It's not a day we really even mention in the course of things. But it holds a special place for our family.

NaBl...oh wait, it's over. In that case...

2010-12-01T19:31:00.000-05:00

Happy Hanukkah!

Enjoy some latkes

And gelt, candles, and smiles from us.

NaBloPoMo 30: Oh, thank goodness

2010-11-30T22:46:00.000-05:00

30 days. My 30th post. I think 3 of them were late but they're all here. I'm beat.

That serious post I mentioned? Yeah, it's going to have to wait. I've been considering writing it for a long time and want to write it properly, not try to dash it out before the end of today. Plus, I've already dozed off once this evening and I suspect that I should probably get to bed since I have to give my first final exam of the year tomorrow afternoon. It's all written but there are some other things I have to finish before then.

So thanks for reading over the past 30 days, and for putting up with my rambling. (Jason says that my love of talking translates to blog posts that are way too long. He's a lawyer. If he blogged, his posts would be three times the length of mine and filled with words like "heretofore" and "wherewithal" and things like that. That's another reason he doesn't blog.) I actually enjoyed NaBloPoMo more this year than I did last year, and hope that I'll actually post a little more often in the near future.

NaBloPoMo 29: The return of Fred

2010-11-30T22:38:00.000-05:00

Since I'm missing a post and I'm a little anal about not actually having 30 posts in 30 days, here's a quick one. Then I'll post another one.

I've talked before about Fred. He's a toad that keeps showing up at our house. We find Fred in the strangest of places. This year, he didn't show up at all until last month. It was a bit surprising since we've seen more frogs and toads this year than almost any other year. One frog, which our kids and some friends were watching in the sandbox, promptly hopped out and directly onto Melkamu's nose! I kid you not. A little green tree frog. It stayed there just long enough for Melkamu to say "AAAGH!!" and then hopped away. Once Kamu got over the surprise, he thought it was really funny.

But of Fred, we saw nothing until early October. Then I happened to be looking out of the dining room window one day and saw him on the tiny little window ledge there. I figured that was our Fred sighting for the year.

Less than a week later, however, I happened to lift up a flowerpot on our back deck railing and lo and behold, we found Fred.

And this year, he brought a friend! The two of them lived in the flowerpot for about a week. Fred's friend hopped away on a lovely fall day, and a few days later Fred had also left.

It's always fun to see where and when Fred will show up. The weather is cold enough that I know we will not see him before next year, but we will look forward to the First Fred Finding of 2011!

NaBloPoMo 28: I carry out my threat

2010-11-29T23:04:00.000-05:00

My pictorial jam-making experience :-) I have to admit, this is some of the best jam I've ever eaten. Patrick swoons over it. I didn't grow up on homemade jam but Jason's aunt makes some of the best that I've ever had (and if she ever wants to share her plum jam recipe, I would be glad to partake of it...hint, hint...) and I thought I would try it. Our family loves to go fruit-picking, so I took the kids berry-picking one day earlier this summer.

We picked a LOT of strawberries.

And a LOT of blackberries, which were later combined with both strawberries and raspberries for triple-berry jam (which is amazingly good), but which I will not be showing you here.

Cutting the tops off that many strawberries took forever. This jam is well worth it. They were really easy to mash, though.

Then they get boiled with sugar and pectin. Sadly, you have to scrape off the foam before canning the jam. Happily, you can then EAT the foam, which is awesome.

Processing the jars in a boiling-water bath.

And voila, they are done! Hearing that little popping sound as the jars seal is always fun. I've given away several jars, but still have a few left. We're really enjoying this jam.

Even better is that we picked so many berries that I
have pureed triple-berry mixture in the freezer, ready to be made into jam when we run out!

Because I've been having just a little too much fun with canning, I've also canned blueberry syrup, bread-and-butter pickles (Mom M's recipe, and they're delicious!), and spaghetti sauce.

Tonight, I ventured into the making of applesauce

and made 6 quarts with a mixture of honeycrisp, pink lady, gala, and one other kind of apple that I've since forgotten. We didn't get to go apple-picking this year so I had to buy them at the farmer's market, but they seem to have worked. I've only used up half my apples (apparently about 4 apples makes a quart of applesauce), so I'll be making the rest tomorrow night. Part of it will be pear-applesauce, which is my favorite. Our shelves are stocked!

Before (I only made the ones in the bowl)

After

NaBloPoMo 27: They are really cute

2010-11-28T20:14:00.000-05:00

As grumpy as I've been the last little bit, there are some awfully bright spots in my life:

Halloween was a good one. I think we had most of the kids in the neighborhood trick-or-treating in our group, as well as several "honorary neighbors" who joined us.

Watching the kids have fun:

Melkamu doing mazes

Patrick batting a balloon around

And Melkamu's choice of an outfit today was not to be missed. Mind you, it was in the 40s today.

NaBloPoMo 26: The day in which I gave up

2010-11-27T18:42:00.000-05:00

That would have been yesterday. All day, I procrastinated posting, with the end result that I didn't post at all. I've been feeling tremendously out-of-sorts. Thanksgiving was like a lovely respite in the overwhelming amount that I feel like I should be doing. I've done almost no work all week. Finals' week is coming, I've got a hundred papers to read and nearly as many tests to grade, and I've done nothing. It's like there's so much to do that I can't possibly even know where to start, and so I've started by doing nothing.

I have been a tremendously lousy friend lately. There are some friends who are going through some really, really rough times. Have I bothered with a visit, a phone call, even a quick text or e-mail? No. I feel so grouchy and incapable of saying anything right lately that I just haven't said anything at all. Then I feel even guiltier for not helping, for not doing what I know that I should be doing, and that makes me even more grouchy. For example, I
I've been going through a lot of guilt that we're not raising Melkamu with enough Ethiopian influences but when one of my friends who is Ethiopian called the other day to see if we could get together, I missed the call. Not on purpose, but I haven't called her back yet.

I've been short with my husband and short with my kids. The kids have been pestering each other a lot lately and it's on my nerves more than I can explain. We don't know whether Jason will have a job come March (one-year contract and we still don't know if it's being renewed) right when we'll have the new baby in our family, and that's causing a lot of stress. I keep reminding myself that when we decided to do the fertility treatments that led to this baby, we were under the impression that it was sure to be renewed. That's not really helping me relax about it, though.

So yesterday, I couldn't think of what to write. I have one more serious-type post brewing in me for NaBloPoMo and I know that if I'd written it over the last few days it would have been written in a way that would upset people and not get my point across. I'm hoping this mindset will end so that I can get it written the way I want.

Please bear with me. I'm not normally so melancholy and overwhelmed but right now, it's hitting me hard.

NaBloPoMo 25: Thanksgiving

2010-11-25T21:20:00.000-05:00

In the spirit of sharing things for which I am thankful this week, I was so thankful to have fallen asleep at 7:30 last night that I completely forgot to blog! Alas, I needed the sleep more than I needed to blog.

Today was Thanksgiving, and we celebrated with several of our neighbors. Almost all of us are Atlanta transplants and our neighborhood has really become close. I've described it as the "Leave it to Beaver" neighborhood before. When Jason and I were looking for houses, we drove onto our street (actually to look at a different house) and there were...wait for it...kids outside playing on a nice summer day! I know, we were shocked also. I don't think we'd seen that anywhere else. When the first house wasn't quite what we were looking for, we still knew we needed to move into this neighborhood and have never regretted it.

We had a block party last month. A real, honest-to-goodness block party. It was great.

We live very, very far from family. No one is within a 6 hour drive; our immediate families are quite a long way beyond that. When we decided that travelling for the holidays this year couldn't happen, we were thrilled to be invited to one of our neighbor's homes for the holiday. There ended up being 20 people there (I think, if I've counted correctly). The weather was gorgeous, so the kids spent a ton of time playing outside. The food was absolutely phenomenal, and incredibly plentiful. It was a wonderful, relaxing, and truly enjoyable day.

I know I've said it before, but I am so very, very thankful for having not only wonderful family members but for all of our friends here in Atlanta who have become our family over the last 8 years. We are so glad to know all of you, and are so lucky for having you in our lives!

NaBloPoMo 24: Wordless Wednesday--Bwahahahahaha!

2010-11-25T21:12:00.001-05:00

NaBloPoMo 23: How do people do it?

2010-11-23T13:46:00.000-05:00

It's Thanksgiving week. I'm going to recognize things for which I'm thankful this week. Yesterday was clearly Jason--he's given me so many things for which to be thankful, and he himself ranks first among them :-)

For today, I'm thankful for our schedules and jobs. As I've said before, I get asked "How do you do it all?" and there's no good answer for that. I don't manage to do it all. I slack on many things and beat myself up frequently for not managing to do things well.

However, this week Patrick has no school. I don't understand having an entire week off for Thanksgiving break. They also have 2+ weeks off for winter break. To me, let them have school on Monday and Tuesday of this week (like several other area school districts), let them have school through Wednesday of the week before Christmas. That's 5 days. Then they could have started school a week later in August, rather than on the 10th or whatever insanely early date it was.

But I digress. The fact is that he has no school and we just have to deal with it. Yesterday Jason took the day off to take care of him and today he came with me to work. He's sitting here next to me, eating his lunch in my office, and I got to thinking about the fact that we're really, really lucky.

Jason and I have some flexibility in our schedules. Not a lot--once my schedule is set, I have to go with it however it is; Jason has some vacation time that isn't yet accounted for and we've been able to use it. But we're among the lucky ones. We tried to find someone who could watch Patrick yesterday but it didn't work, and Jason was able to take a day of vacation to do it (in fact, Jason ended up watching several children in addition to Patrick yesterday). Just trying to arrange it was a huge strain on us; plus, who wants to feel as though they're burdening another family with an extra child? And then when we couldn't, we were extremely lucky that Jason had some vacation time that he could use. Many families don't have that. The parents either show up for work or they don't have a job anymore.

We could have sent him to the daycare with Melkamu but that would have cost more money. There are many families who really live paycheck-to-paycheck and the extra several days of full-day care would be both a necessity to keeping their jobs and a big hardship for them financially.

There are many things that I have the flexibility to do on Mondays this semester that allows me to spend more time with my family in the evenings and weekends, like actually doing work and my doctor's appointments and grocery shopping and all of those little other things that a family needs done. I also do a lot during the summer when I have the time off with the kids. I often wonder how people manage without that time. How do women who work full-time, typical-schedule (9-5ish) jobs find the time to go to the doctor if they're pregnant? Do they have to take vacation time for each appointment? There are an awful lot of appointments, especially near the end. What if they're in a job where they don't have any vacation or flex-time? Do they have to go without prenatal care?

What do families do when their kids get sick? We've got remarkably healthy kids (knock on wood) and so far, the only times they've been sick we've been able to switch off or flex time or whatever to make sure we're there and can take them to the doctor or whatever. What about families whose children are not as healthy, or who have normal kids who get sick occasionally?

I'm extremely thankful that both of our jobs come with health insurance. We don't use Jason's since it's more expensive than mine, but this is all related to what I've just been saying. How do families manage when they don't have insurance, or only have catastrophic insurance, and their kids are typical kids who get sick or need a physical to play soccer? Many of those families are already living paycheck-to-paycheck. The idea of having to choose between taking a sick child to a doctor and having electricity at home is just sickening. I feel so fortunate that we've never been in that position. We were in a position at one point where we made so little money that Patrick (this was before we had Melkamu) was eligible for Peach.care, which is the subsidized healthcare for children in Georgia, but I still had student health insurance and we paid for him to be covered by it. And again, we were fortunate--we could pay for that. We had both the option and the means to do it.

Many families don't have these things. Being thankful for what we have also makes me remember that helping those who do not have these things is incredibly important. We donate to several different charities, both domestic and international, and one of my goals for the coming year is to get the whole family involved in more active volunteer work. Jason's already looking at opportunities for him to use his business skills as a volunteer in local organizations and I'm trying to come up with ways that the kids can help. They always donate to Toys for Tots during the holidays and Patrick alternates weeks with us for donating to tzedakah at Sunday school (one week we give him money and the next week he takes it from his allowance), but I'd like for them to have a more active role so they can help personally. A few years ago, I took Patrick to an MLK, Jr. Day event in which he helped make sandwiches for a local homeless shelter and he really liked it. Both of my kids are so generous and have such big hearts, and I know they'll learn a lot and help other families--those who are struggling to make it--at the same time.

NaBloPoMo 22: Jason

2010-11-22T21:04:00.000-05:00

Continuing in the long line of November birthdays in our family...today is Jason's birthday! He's turning 29 again, or so he tells me. I could swear he was older than that but hey, whatever.

Jason and I actually had our anniversary of starting to date on Melkamu's birthday (we don't actually celebrate this but we do remember it), and this year was 15 years that we've been together! We met on the second day of college, although it was several months before we started dating. I was 17 and he was 18. One time, a friend of ours heard about when we'd met and said "You're the ones--I'd heard there was a rumor that something like that worked for someone, but I didn't believe it was true!"

Jason is an awesome person. He makes me laugh and smile, even when I feel really down. He's pretty laid-back about most things and really rolls with the punches. It's hard to keep him down--he can find something good about almost anything. He's certainly good for me when I get to feeling a little cynical about something! It can be hard to tell when he's being serious but after 15 years, I've figured him out. Most of the time.

He's the best dad to our kids. He brings playtime and stories, and the kids can think of nothing better than to wrestle with Daddy in the mornings. The only problem is that now when they work together, they can beat him! This makes them very happy. I once saw a picture of Jason doing volunteer work with a bunch of kids while we were in college and knew he would make a great dad. Seeing him with our kids, though, is infinitely better than I ever knew it would be. He's been excited about each and every one of them joining our family and learning more about being a parent, being an adoptive parent, and so on. He's supportive of them and helps them when they need it. Jason works with Patrick more on his math homework than I do because they really enjoy doing it together.

I am so lucky to have such a wonderful man for my husband. We got together when we were so young and we've worked hard to grow together, to support each other and share our dreams and make them work. There are times when we'll look at each other and say something about how we're a little too similar, and other times when we're polar opposites but compliment each other really well.

Happy birthday, my love! I'm so lucky to have you in my life, and so thankful for you every day!

NaBloPoMo 21: A really nice trip

2010-11-21T22:12:00.000-05:00

This was a very short trip to NY but I really, really enjoyed it. I've gotten to see a lot of family and even some friends, had a lot of good food, and got to celebrate my dad's retirement after 38 years in the NY state library system. It can be hard living so far from family. We love Atlanta and have a wonderful surrogate family there, but we miss the people here very much.

It will be good to be home also. Tomorrow is Jason's birthday and he's requested a dinner of pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream--how could I possibly say no? I'll be picking up the strawberries on the way home from the airport and we will have a lovely birthday celebration for him.

I'll sign off for now!

NaBloPoMo 20: In NY

2010-11-20T16:45:00.000-05:00

Tonight is my dad's retirement party from decades upon decades upon decades of work for the NY state library system. He's been the director of his current library for 16 years, so it's clearly well-deserved. I flew up to NY this morning so that I could be here for it and have spent the day with my parents and siblings. This has involved much laughter and many rude jokes at each others' expenses. My brother, for example, just called me a dork and says he will be refusing to acknowledge my existence tonight. We are a loving family ;-)

We're about to leave and I don't really have much to write for today. It's not as cold as I was expecting it to be up here, which is nice for this girl with thin Southern blood. I'm sure it will be bitterly cold after dark (which is also earlier here as they're in the east part of the time zone and Atlanta is at the very western part). It's almost dark already and it's not even 5 p.m.

But hey, I'm 2/3 of the way done with NaBloPoMo. On to the last dying gasp!

NaBloPoMo 19: Melkamu

2010-11-19T22:47:00.000-05:00

Melkamu is four today. I don't normally get weepy over birthday (a little schmaltzy, sure, but not truly weepy) but today it hit me hard. Four is no longer a toddler. Four is not a little kid anymore. Four is a big kid, who will be going to pre-K and playing soccer and learning to read and write.

Let me tell you all about my wonderful, sweet, beautiful big four-year-old son:

Kamu is amazing. He is so full of life and happiness that it's impossible to be around him without smiling. He loves to cuddle and play and run and jump and wants to do everything that he sees. He has learned to recognize the letters in his name and can write a few of them. Once we realized what a tremendously kinesthetic learner he is, we've found some ways to help him and he's really learned a lot. He knows his colors perfectly now. He knows many of his letters and is getting better with numbers. His coordination is amazing, which shouldn't really come as a surprise given his kinesthetic tendencies. His skill with Legos has always been great, and lately he's been building things that are actually recognizable! Kamu just got a soccer ball of his own and has fantastic control over the ball already, and some pretty good accuracy. He's now talking about wanting his own football and throwing it at things to knock them over. In other kids, I might say that it would take some practice but Kamu's had great aim ever since he came home (he used to throw things at us from his crib). If he says he can do it, I'm inclined to believe he really can!

Over the last year, Kamu has grown tremendously. He was already tall last year but now he's super tall for his age. At an appointment in September, he was measured at 46" tall and he's grown since then! I think he just went through another growth spurt since he's suddenly quite skinny and we no longer have to fold up the hems of most of his pants. He wears mostly 5T clothes but has a few things in a size 6 that fit him pretty well. He wears a size 12 sneaker. He wears the same size hats that I wear (which means he borrows them frequently).

A few months after he came home, we nicknamed him Master Destructo. As you can see, that still holds true. He's not nearly so constant about it as he used to be but when he decides he really wants to make a mess, he's a pro. No "half-way messy" or anything--no, he goes all-out.

We really love reading with Melkamu! This has been one of my favorite things to see about Melkamu since we brought him home. When he came home at 16 months old, he didn't care about books. They weren't interesting to him. He didn't want to sit and read them with us. It was hard since bedtime stories had always been one of our favorite parts of the day. Now, however, he is a big fan of reading. He's always excited about bedtime stories and will often ask for us to read to him at other times also. He definitely has favorite books and is starting to learn them so that he "reads" also. It's not unusual to go up there when the kids are supposed to be sleeping, only to find Melkamu laying on his stomach with a book open.

My youngest son is 4. It has been a year of tremendous changes for our family, and especially for him specifically. Before he turns 5, he will be a big brother for the first time. He loves to feel the baby kick and will often sit on my lap, waiting for the baby to kick his back. Then he'll turn to me with this pretend surprise look on his face and say "The baby kicked me!" And then he'll lean back and wait for it to happen again. If I say "The baby's going to kick you," he just starts giggling. He's going to be an awesome big brother.

I can't believe he's four already. He was such a peanut when we brought him home at 16 months old. Now he's a tall, strong, handsome little boy who has brought so much joy to our family. Happy birthday, my Sweet Pea. We love you so much!

NaBloPoMo 18: Meme day!!!

2010-11-18T21:08:00.000-05:00

Yo-yo Mama, a blogger whom I've had the privilege of actually meeting, has tagged me in an interview-style meme because she knows the intense pressure of coming up with something new to write every single day in November.

These are the questions I'm answering:

1.If you were gifted $5,000 tax-free and you had to spend it (not save it), what would you spend it on?

If I could save it briefly but have a plan to spend it, it would be put aside for our next adoption in a few years. Otherwise, I'd probably spend it on home improvements. We're already planning to put down new floors through most of our downstairs, but I'd splurge on hardwoods instead of laminate. I'd also buy some dining room furniture that's not falling apart. I'd get us a new dishwasher and new washer/dryer.

And I'd spend some on a good camera. I really want a good camera that doesn't have the delay that ours has, and can take pictures rapidly--I miss so many good shots of our kids due to that brief delay and then having to wait before I can take another one.

2.How many times have you moved in your lifetime?

Since it says lifetime, I'll go back to the beginning! My parents bought their first house when I was somewhere under a year old, so that was #1. Move #2 was two months before I graduated from high school. I won't count each move in college as separate ones since I lived on campus all four years, but I will count moving to Virginia for college as #3. #4 was when Jason and I moved to South Carolina when we got married, then #5 was a year later when we rented a house with a fenced backyard so that our dogs would stop destroying our apartment. We had move #6 when we moved to Atlanta and the final one was move #7, to our current house. There will be another move at some point in the next couple of years but we're not exactly sure when!

3.Have you ever been so angry, you hit someone or at least felt like hitting someone (or something)?

Yep. I have a very quick temper that I've learned to control, but there were some instances in the past that came awfully close to that level.

4.What’s your favorite article of clothing or pair of shoes and why?

My very favorite pair of winter-worthy shoes is a pair of brown Steve Madden flats that have pointed toes and bronze studs in a criss-cross pattern over the toes. I also love me some sandals in the summer!

5.Are you hanging lights this holiday and if so, when is the turn-on and turn-off dates?

Jason is very big on the holiday lights, though I have reigned him in a bit. There are only two insanely tacky reindeer in our yard, and I've turned off the animatronic aspect. I'm not sure when they'll go up (along with the other lights) but it will be sometime after Thanksgiving, and they'll be put away by New Year's.

OK, now I get to tag 5 other people :-)

1. Wendy at The Spin Cycle

2. Heather at A Day at The Beauchamps

3. Julie at the eyes of my eyes are opened

4. Ruby at Black, White, and Read All Over

5. Emily at Mommy Made Green

Ladies, should you choose to accept this challenge, here are your questions:

1. What is the hardest thing you've had to do in the last week?

2. If you could have any outside-the-home profession, what would it be and why?

3. If you could take a trip to any place in the world that you've never been, where would you go?

4. When you are completely stressed-out, how do you cope?

5. ~~What is your quest?~~ What's your favorite guilty pleasure?

NaBloPoMo 17: Wordless Wednesday--Cooking kids

2010-11-17T18:17:00.000-05:00

NaBloPoMo 16: Placeholder

2010-11-16T22:14:00.000-05:00

It's almost 10:15 p.m. I've been up since 3:45 this morning (trust me, it was not by choice--I've been having a lot of trouble falling back to sleep when I wake up at night). I worked a full day. I'm working in another window on my computer. I've probably got another hour of work that MUST get done tonight.

But hey, I blogged today! More than halfway there! Two weeks left!

NaBloPoMo 15: Connections

2010-11-15T15:12:00.000-05:00

There is a process of attachment when you have children, no matter how they come into your life. A lot of people assume that it's a natural process when you've given birth to that child, but there's a lot of talk about attachment with a child by adoption. Recently I was told that there's just something special about the ability to give birth to a child that isn't there with adoption, and I've got to challenge that one.

I've talked before about how tough it was for me as a mother when Melkamu first came home. I never doubted that I would love my children and I expected there to be a process of attachment. But that first month, and several that followed it, were hard, much more so than I'd expected. We did our best and tried to be the best parents for Melkamu that we could be, and we kept going through it. One night, when Melkamu no longer needed us to sit by his bed when he was falling asleep (this was probably 4 or 5 months after he came home), I gave him a kiss and hug, put him in his crib, and said "Good night Sweet Pea, I love you."  I say it to both my kids in some variation every night. That night, though, I stopped short right outside of his room because it was the first time I hadn't had to think about saying it to him. It just came out...and I meant every single word with every bit of my being.

The bonding process with Patrick was easy. The bonding process with Melkamu was hard-won, and I often cherish it in a way that I don't think parents through biology only can often appreciate.

*********************
By a year old, he'd lost both of his parents. In pictures of him with his firstmom, he is joyous, laughing, smiling--a child who was loved and knew it. And then suddenly, he had lost all of that.  He was deeply scared and confused and grief-stricken. But over the next 4 months, he started to love again--to attach to his nannies, the kids in his toddler room.

Then all of a sudden, this strange white couple and their little boy show up. The lady kneels down in front of him to meet him, trying to keep herself in check, but when the nannies indicate that it's OK to pick him up, she bursts into tears against his little shoulder as she hugs him tight. He doesn't know her. He doesn't know what she's doing or why she's doing it. She holds him and cries and says words in a strange language. She introduces him to the little boy, who seems pretty nice and gives him a toy.   Then the man picks him up and smiles at him. He knows something is going on but it's too much to take in, so he falls asleep. The people leave but they come back to see him each day. It's really scary. He thinks they're nice, but he's thought that about people before. They've left him.

Just a few days later, they take him away from his nannies. They take him away from his friends. They take him on a big, loud plane for a really long time, then to a strange house. There are scary animals there, although he soon realizes they're like living toys. Maybe it's not too bad. But then the lady takes him to a place with a lot of kids...and leaves him there. And doesn't come back for hours. He's terrified. He thinks he's been left again. She does it a couple of times a week. When he sees her, he's both grateful that she's back and furious that she's done that to him. He clings as tightly as possible out of desperate fear and the tiniest shred of hope that if he holds on tightly enough, she won't go away again.

Eventually he learns that she really will come back, every single time. And the man hugs him and plays with him, and sits by his bed and rubs his back while he's trying to sleep. And the other little boy, the one who shares his bedroom, is really cool and fun. And he starts to know them as Mama and Daddy and big brother Patrick.

He has nightmares for years--but Mama and Daddy always come get him and hug him until he feels better. It takes a long time before seeing Mama or Daddy at daycare in the afternoon is just a happy thing, not a happy/relieved thing. While he never forgets that he's been hurt in the past, he loves these people as much as they love him.

*********************

When I think about how much Melkamu has been through to get to this point, I value our connection more than I can ever express. He usually wakes up shortly before our alarm goes off in the morning and it means the world to me that he comes into our room, knowing he'll be welcomed with a big hug and kiss and cuddle before getting dressed. I think it would be impossible for someone not to fall in love with him. His personality is one of the most open and loving and happy that I've ever known. He feels things deeply and has a desire to be right in the middle of anything that's happening.

The fact that he has lost so much in his life and yet has been able to love and trust again just staggers me. It's not something I can ever take forgranted. Every giggle, every kiss, every hug, every "Mama, I love you"...they are the most precious things in the world.

The connection between parents and the children they've adopted may come about differently than it does with biology but I think it's all the more special for how much it takes to get there for both sides. It may be impossible to understand that if you've never had a child by adoption before, but trust me when I say that it it is as strong as any bond could ever be.

NaBloPoMo 14: Made it!

2010-11-14T23:11:00.000-05:00

It's not quite midnight, so this counts. I just wish I could think of what to write.

Oh, Jason got a promotion. He was made assistant fire marshall for his side of the building. It comes with a day-glo vest. Pretty exciting, no?

That was his contribution to what I should write about tonight.

And that's why he doesn't blog.

I promise something more substantive tomorrow.

NaBloPoMo 13: Soccer kids

2010-11-13T22:00:00.000-05:00

Patrick played soccer again this fall. In the last few weeks, we have been really amazed at how much agility he seems to have developed. He's learned to stop and turn on a dime to keep the ball from going out, to (finally) kick the ball in the right direction, and really gets in there to challenge other players. He gets a huge amount of satisfaction from challenging the best player on their team at practices, especially when he can block him. Today he said that he wants to play in the World Cup someday. He really enjoyed watching it on TV this summer and we're all thrilled that the Ethiopian Soccer Tournament will be held here in Atlanta next year. We'll be getting tickets to at least one game and I know that both kids are going to be in awe of seeing fantastic soccer played right in front of them.

The soccer season ended today. Patrick's team had a tough season but won their last two games--today they beat the only unbeaten team in the league by several goals! Patrick had a great assist and missed scoring a goal of his own by inches. We're now considering options for an activity for Patrick over the winter. He's expressed an interest in both gymnastics and indoor soccer, so we're looking at options to figure out which will work best for us. He's done gymnastics before and really enjoyed it, and we know he'll play soccer in the spring, so something different for the winter might be just the thing.

Melkamu is desperate to play soccer (and football eventually, but the Gwinnett Football League doesn't start until age 6). We're hoping our soccer league has different age guidelines for the spring leagues, as the fall league's 4-year-old age bracket had a cutoff of August 1st. Melkamu already towers over the other children in those leagues...seriously, he must be a head taller than the majority of them. We got him his own soccer ball a few weeks ago and he's quite good with it for someone who's never actually played before. He's not very fast but is very careful about controlling the ball and has a really strong and pretty accurate kick when he's aiming for something.

It's been such fun to watch the kids develop their interest in sports. Patrick has taken to heart being told that it's good to play with kids who are better than he is because that's how he'll learn. He really feels great about doing well and it's been great for him to learn to work as part of a team. Melkamu, who is my football-watching buddy, has been taking in more than I'd realized at all of the practices and games, and can't wait to play on a team of his own.

They are such great kids.

NaBloPoMo 12: Type A and gold

2010-11-12T22:36:00.000-05:00

I am a planner. It helps me feel more relaxed when things are done ahead of time. I am a completely Type A person--a "gold" according to the book that I read that classifies people as certain colors. When we travel, I like to have the house generally clean and neat before we go because otherwise, I get stressed again the minute I walk through the door and see the house. I almost always make a packing list for traveling, for myself, for the kids, and for the general family stuff that needs to come. One time, I tried making a list for Jason. I asked him what he wanted on it. "Clothes" was his only input. I gave up on making lists for Jason. But there's usually a to-do list somewhere in my near vicinity. I just feel more organized when I know what needs to be done and how it's going to go.

Recently, Jason and I were talking about something to do with our family and I said, referring to my pregnancy, "Since I won't be doing THIS again..." He looked really surprised and said "Isn't that kind of ungrateful?" It took me a minute but I figured out that what I was saying and what he was hearing were different.

I've wanted to give birth to another baby since...oh, since Patrick was born. We'd already struggled to get pregnant with him and knew that adoption was in our future already at that time, but I really felt a pull to have another biologically. Five years of recurring infertility later, we finally managed to get to this point with the help of some talented doctors and many dollars.

I feel like I've spent many of those years hoping for this. Praying for it at times. Begging for it at others. Beyond depressed about it at many others. To have finally achieved this point--it is a wish come true. But I knew then, and know beyond a certainty now, that this is it. I'm not willing to put our family or my body through these treatments again.

When I said "I'm not doing this again," what I meant was that I've been fortunate enough to have that wish answered. For years now, my desire has been to have one more biologically and then adopt our last one. If I hadn't gotten pregnant when I did, there was going to be one more chance (by our choice, not medically). Just one. And if that hadn't worked, we were both ready to move on.

But it did happen. Somehow we hit the lottery and I'm now 24 weeks pregnant (into the realm of viability, says my cynical, infertile mind that still can't wrap around the idea that I'm really getting to do this again). And my planning nature is feeling more at peace now than it has in years. Infertility is impossible to plan. You can plan when to do cycles, but you can't plan the outcome. You can't plan your body's reactions to the medications--will they make you sleepy or bitchy or achy or all of the above at one time? You can't plan beyond that one cycle really, because there's always the hope that one will be the key. You can't plan for your own emotional response to the cycle and its outcome. There is no planning that happens.

After several years of not being sure how our third and fourth children would join our family, now I know. I've felt so up in the air about it. Our third child will be born to us, and our fourth child will join our family through adoption in a few years. And then we think our family will be complete.

I've spent much of this pregnancy thinking about the fact that this is the last time I will be pregnant, and I'm surprisingly at peace with it. I'd been a little afraid that I would still feel that same drive that I felt while pregnant with Patrick to have another one biologically, but I don't. I'm content (truth be told, more than content) to know this is my last one biologically. I'm more than content knowing we will adopt again.

The planner in me is happy to have nailed down the vision of our family.

NaBloPoMo 11: Title? Who needs a title?

2010-11-11T22:23:00.001-05:00

Too tired to write. Slacking by sharing a video from over the summer. I love how wonderfully the kids play together. Earlier this week, Patrick told me he loves Melkamu because "Melkamu has such a good heart."

Way to make a mama sniffle, kiddo.

NaBloPoMo 10: Thoughts about Ethiopia

2010-11-10T11:36:00.000-05:00

Our family is very conspicuously a transracial adoptive family, though I do occasionally get comments from people who believe that both boys are biologically mine bu have different fathers. Regardless, the question often comes up as to where Melkamu was born and when we reply Ethiopia, the next question is usually "And did you have to go there to get him?"

My response is that yes, we got to go there to get him. I consider it a huge privilege that we were able to see where my child was being raised for the several months after he was relinquished but before we brought him home. I hope desperately in the future to get to see his firstfamily's home in person.

When we decided to adopt, we had some strict guidelines about what we were looking for in a country. We wanted to be able to adopt an infant (we changed our minds before we actually started the process). We wanted to be able to meet our child's firstfamily if possible. We wanted to go to the country where our child was born, but we didn't want to have to make multiple trips or stay for an extremely long time. We were not interested in having our child escorted to the U.S.

Ultimately we chose Ethiopia. I didn't know much about it, other than it "fit" our criteria for adopting. Over the course of the adoption process, we read books and learned about the history, learned a few Amharic words here and there, but mostly prepared to have another child. Getting on the Ethiopian Airlines plane in Washington was when it started to truly hit me--I was going to Ethiopia. Not just that I was about to be a mom again, but that I got to go to Ethiopia to become one.

I was not prepared for my completely visceral reaction when we landed. It was chaotic and busy in the airport. It was unfamiliar. And somehow, it felt right. My heart felt at peace in a way that it hadn't in such a very, very long time. I soaked in every bit of the travel to the guesthouse. I wanted to go exploring all around. I wanted to meet people. The next day, when we started to do some of that, I felt like I'd opened up to something miraculous and new. When we would walk around, people smiled and I wished for nothing more than to be able to talk with them. A few nights later we went to a restaurant for dinner and dancing. The man standing at the table said they had mild versions and spicy versions, and warned us that the spicy versions, while traditional, were much hotter than Americans were used to eating--but it was exactly like it is at our favorite restaurant here in Atlanta. My doro wat and injera felt familiar, comforting.

When we traveled south to meet Melkamu's firstmom, the landscape reminded both Jason and I of the American southwest, a place we both love to go. It felt natural. It didn't feel strange at all. Patrick seemed to feel the same way as he immediately made friends with our driver and guide around Hossana.

I had never expected to feel such a connection to a place I'd never been. Sure, I expected to feel a connection of some sort--my son was born and spent his first 16 months there. I figured I'd feel something for the country and appreciate it, but I never expected to feel such a bond with a place. Jason and I never really talked about that part of it but in the last year or so, we've realized that we both found the same connection--and would like to move there someday (probably not until the kids are out of the house, so don't start panicking yet, Grandparents). When we came home, I went to the grocery store...and it felt weird. Complete culture shock even though we'd only been gone for 10 days.

Most of it can't even be articulated. It just felt right. I look forward to going back in a couple of years with my family.

I miss Ethiopia.

NaBloPoMo 9: Back on track

2010-11-09T11:00:00.000-05:00

My default setting lately has been set to "Nap". The first trimester of my pregnancy with Patrick was exhausting. This time around, it's been the second trimester. I went to bed before 9 p.m. last night. This would not be a problem if I didn't have work to get done during the evenings.

Sometimes people ask "How do you manage to have a marriage, two active kids, and a full time job?" Sometimes, I don't know the answer. Usually I tell them that I traded money for flexibility in my job, which is a huge part of it. While my schedule is fixed every semester, I have a lot of flexibility in setting up that schedule in the first place. This semester, for example, I have no classes on Mondays, which allows me to get the grocery shopping done and have all of my midwife/chiropractor/other appointments, and I get a huge amount of actual work done after a relaxing weekend. I'm done (with classes, at least) by 3:45 the rest of the week. I have most of the same breaks as the kids. I'll be paying off my educational loans forever to get this flexibility, but when I was looking at getting a job after finishing my Ph.D., it seemed (and still seems) far more important to have the time available for my family than to earn the kind of money I could be earning with a pharmaceutical company.

Plus there's the fact that I generally love my job. Before I started teaching, I worried that I'd get bored with teaching the same basics every semester. Now that I'm in my 5th year, I've learned that the same basics change tremendously in biology and that the dynamics of the class make each one interesting and new. Maybe I traded money for flexibility, but the job satisfaction is tremendous. I may complain about events in my job but on the whole, I really feel glad to have made this decision.

Honestly, though, when I am home full-time over the summers, I wonder how it works during the rest of the year. I feel so tremendously busy with the kids and managing the house over the summers that I can't figure out how I "squeeze in" my job the rest of the time.

Like I said, I generally do a lot of work in the evenings after the kids go to bed. (One of the other flexible benefits of my job is that I can do it from anywhere when I'm not physically in class or office hours.) This trimester of my pregnancy is taking it out of me, though. I am exhausted and not getting much work done in the evenings. I'm basically a big lump.

Up until now, I've coped with that. I've managed to get done what had to be done, sometimes by the skin of my teeth, and pull it all together. And with only 3 weeks left until final's week, I can probably survive. I'm not feeling quite as overwhelmed as I normally do right now.

That all changes this week. Starting today, I will be getting over 100 research papers from my three lecture classes. I will be getting probably 20 lab reports this week and close to that number again next week. I have three more lecture exams to write and then give, which means over 100 exams to grade by the end of Thanksgiving break.

Somehow, it will work out. It always does. But I've never tried to get it all done on top of a lump-like habit. I suspect the end of this semester will bring more relief than most.

NaBloPoMo 8: The forgotten day

2010-11-09T10:42:00.002-05:00

Mondays don't count, right? That's why this is showing up on Tuesday. Hum dee dum, nothing to see here folks.

NaBloPoMo 7: Total cop-out

2010-11-07T22:45:00.000-05:00

I completely forgot to blog today--but it's not quite midnight yet, so I didn't miss it! Score!

It would, however, be nice if I had anything at all to write about. But I don't. I'm basically a lump lately. Jason and I are going over our Bradley stuff to get ready for this baby. It loses a little something in the "going over it" part when we've taught 20 classes in it between Patrick's birth and this pregnancy.

I don't know if I mentioned on here that I'd stopped teaching classes in the Bradley Method, though. Honestly, I'm just burned out. In some ways I find it very ironic. I taught it from when Patrick was 18 months old, through more than 5 years of infertility, only to give up shortly before I found out that I was pregnant. It got to be too much. I usually held classes on Sunday evenings and it felt like it pretty much consumed our weekends. I usually get home from Patrick's Sunday school around 1 p.m. and we'd generally start cleaning the house around 4 p.m. to be ready for a class from 6-8:30 or so. There wasn't any time to relax. There wasn't any time to do anything else. It got to feel like more of a burden than a pleasure, and I'm sure that my teaching suffered as a result.

In the 5+ years that I taught, we had somewhere around 100 couples take our classes. We had close to 150 babies if you include second (and even a few third) babies. We had people tell us how glad they were that they'd taken our classes, that they learned so much and felt so prepared for the births of their children. That's really all we could do and ask.

Maybe someday we'll go back to it. It was a difficult decision to make but for now, I'm content with having closed that chapter.

NaBloPoMo 6: By the skin of my teeth

2010-11-06T22:13:00.000-04:00

I almost forgot that a post every day means every day. Even on the weekends when I'm doing nothing and haven't touched my computer since yesterday. And here it is, Saturday night, and I am blogging.

Wow, I am so cool.

Jason asked what I was going to blog about today and I told him that I have no idea. "Give me a topic," I begged. He blustered for a bit and then said "Arthritic dogs."

Um. OK.

Our dogs turned 11 last month. We've had them since they were 7 weeks old. We've been told in the past that a typical lifespan for dogs of their size (they're considered a large breed since they're half Lab and half Bassett) is about 10-12 years. Well, we're right in the middle of that.

They've really aged a lot in the last year, but Neitzsche (Jason named him) is getting the worst of it. He's developed really severe arthritis in his hind left leg and has a lot of trouble walking now. Caesar has had arthritis in his front right shoulder for years now but it's never really gotten bad--it's almost like he developed it and it's remained at that level since then. It doesn't seem to affect him much at all. On the other hand, Neitzsche really doesn't put weight on his leg at all if he can help it, which has raised issues for us about treating him.

There's really very little to be done. He takes medication now but his liver isn't healthy enough for the typical anti-inflammatories, so we're doing what we can without the several-hundred-dollars-per-month meds that our vet recommended. As much as we would like to be able to do everything like that, the sad reality is that we don't know if Jason will have a job come March and we're uncomfortable making the decision to spend hundreds or even more between now and then treating an 11-year old dog.

We're also uncomfortable NOT making that decision. The dogs have been our babies since less than 5 months after we got married. I want to be able to say "Damn the cost, he'll have the best!" but the vet told me that she's not even sure they'll help him regain much function of that leg. The treatment would require multiple injections a week.

I think back to when the dogs were puppies, small enough to run all over us. When Neitzsche stole my bologna sandwich one day and then sat in front of the couch with it hanging out both sides of his mouth, acting as if he were saying, "What bologna sandwich? I've never seen a bologna sandwich. You should ask Caesar." Watching them both chase the light from a laser pointer back and forth along the courtyard behind our first apartment each evening before we went to bed. Their resigned acceptance every time we brought home orphaned puppies that we were fostering. The curiosity they had when we brought Patrick home, and their complete nonchalance when we brought home Melkamu (who was terrified of them for all of about 24 hours). The trainer at Pet.Smart who basically admitted that our dogs were some of the most stubborn she'd ever met--they know all of their commands but will only do them when they feel like it. They've turned up their noses at treats many times simply because they just didn't feel like sitting at that moment.

And Neitzsche is sitting next to me on the couch right now, pushing on my lap desk so that I will move the computer and pet him.

Gotta go--there is a soft dog to pet, and I've just started to realize that won't last forever.

NaBloPoMo, day 5: Yep, they're mine

2010-11-05T13:47:00.000-04:00

When we started telling people that we were expecting another child, several people immediately asked "One of your own or are you adopting again?" I responded with "I have two children of my own--this will be my third child and I'll be giving birth to this one."

Snarky? Perhaps a little. I tried not to say it too sarcastically but when I'd heard it for the 10th time out of 12 calls, it got a little tiring. I've said it before and I'm sure to say it again and again: all of my children are my own. I don't care if we share blood or not. But this time, permit me to go further.

When I would respond that I am pregnant, people would instantly say something to the effect of "How incredible! How exciting! How wonderful!" And I was left wondering if the response would have been different if we'd said we were adopting (and thinking that yes, it probably would have been different, but that's a post for another time). Joyfully expecting a child through any process whatsoever, which we were pretty clearly doing, is to be celebrated. A child is a child, and a new family member is a new family member. This is something exciting and wonderful and incredible--and I wish that had been the first thing people had said. It felt to me like people were reserving those statements until they'd checked to see if there was a biological connection between this child and me.

Only a few sweet and wonderful people said "I'm so thrilled for you!" and then asked about biology or adoption. Let me be clear--I don't have a problem with someone asking whether our next child is by birth or by adoption. We have a mixed-together family and have made no secret of the fact that we plan to adopt again, nor was it really a secret that we were open to doing some more fertility treatments (yes, that's what it took for this one). It was a completely valid and reasonable question, and one I expected to be answering.

My frustration was when the happiness didn't come out until after the person had been assured that this child is likely to spill things all the time due to sharing Jason's and my DNA. I also had a lot of frustration with the fact that people phrased it using that "your own" rather than simply asking if I was pregnant or we were adopting. When you ask me if this child will be "my own or adopted", you're implying that my child by adoption is not "my own" (at least, that's how it comes across to this parent by adoption). And when you imply that he is not "mine", I'm not quite sure what you mean. All I can do is explain to you how it comes across to me, the one hearing it.

I'm hearing that you're implying that adoption is less than biology. To me, it comes across that having a child through adoption is not quite as meaningful as having a child through birth. And when I hear, whether you mean it or not, that "adopted" < "birth", it implies to me that YOU think my child is less than my child. That YOU don't see him as equivalent to my other child.

I already wondered if that was true when we brought him home. There were multiple members of our extended families who didn't even send a card or make a quick phone call to reference the fact that we had a new child, even though they had done so when we brought Patrick home. No one was obligated to do anything when he came home any more than they were obligated to do anything for Patrick's arrival. But now I'm curious--will this new child bring those cards and/or phone calls simply on the basis of biology? I rather hope not.

If the lack of cards and phone calls after Melkamu's arrival was simply because he was not a first child, I will understand that--a first child does hold a unique place in a family (why yes, I am an oldest child). There's always a drop-off with subsequent children. I get that. I'm not upset by that. But it will hurt me tremendously if this child gets things from people who didn't bother to acknowledge Melkamu's joining our family...because ultimately, that ~~implies~~ shouts from the rooftops that it was because he was adopted. That those people consider him and his arrival in our family less worthy of recognition than those of our other children.

Some will call this oversensitive. I know this for a fact because someone flat-out said I should stop being so sensitive when hearing that whole "my own or adoption" thing. I am a Mama. I am supposed to be sensitive about issues regarding my children. It's in the job description. Frankly, I can take it. Call me whatever you'd like. I'm an adult and have outlets to express my feeling about those issues. I'm of the opinion that regardless of how someone makes a statement, it's ultimately the recipient's perception of that statement that truly matters.

My child did not choose to be adopted so regardless of what you think of my beliefs on this, consider this--if I'm hearing it this way, how is my child hearing or seeing it? Melkamu, who is almost 4, is extremely perceptive. Maybe he doesn't hear your words or see your actions that way--but what if he does? He probably would not know how to tell you that it makes him feel sad when you say that. That your words are hurting him. That it makes him wonder if you truly don't believe he is worthy of being considered our child.

Would it matter to you if he sees it that way?

NaBloPoMo, day 4: On a serious note

2010-11-04T07:42:00.000-04:00

I've been keeping things lighthearted here but the fact is that my aunt passed away due to advanced lung cancer on Sunday. I won't be going to the funeral. There are a host of reasons but really when it comes down to it, they don't matter. Jason pointed out that funerals are for the living, and that's the major reason that I'd like to be there. I wish I could be there with my dad, my grandmother, my aunt and uncle. As sad as I am about losing her, I am more sad for those who knew her far better and longer than I did.

It wasn't a sudden passing. It's been expected for a long time now. I knew when I saw her over the summer that it was probably the last time that I would get to do so. It's still extremely sad.

I'll miss you, Aunt Kerry.

NaBloPoMo, day 3: Wordless Wednesday

2010-11-03T09:00:00.007-04:00

NaBloPoMo, day 2: Election Day

2010-11-02T13:57:00.000-04:00

I'm going to vote on my way home from work today, in about 30 minutes. Is it common that kids have no school on Election Day? I don't remember having the day off. Patrick had today off and so Jason took the day off with him.

My polling place recently changed, which is nice because the old one was less user-friendly than the new one. I only wish the potential candidates were changed. I can't even call the choice between the gubernatorial candidates choosing between the lesser of two evils, because it's embarrassing that they're the best Georgia has to offer. On one hand, we have the ex-governor who was voted out a while ago for a myriad of legitimate reasons; on the other hand, we have the soon-to-declare-bankruptcy candidate who has a host of other bad qualities and policies. That, folks, is the choice I get to make.

Siobhan asked about some of the ways that it's different living in the north vs. the south. I will say that my perspective is different on both places because I've lived my whole adult life in the south, so almost all of my political experience has come with conservative southern politics; however, my developmental years were in the north and my political leanings are certainly more liberal than most people down here. Jason likes to ask me if I'm "going to go out and throw away my vote" when it's Election Day. Pretty much, but at least I'm having a say.

Maybe I'll vote Libertarian. It wouldn't be the first time. I took a political quiz one time and ended up in the quadrant between Democrat and Libertarian, and that seemed to be a pretty accurate fit.

Yessir (or ma'am, as the case may be), politics here is certainly challenging. I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind gets into it.

NaBloPoMo, year 2, day 1

2010-11-01T21:30:00.001-04:00

OK, I'm in. It's National Blog Posting Month, affectionately (at least today, maybe less so in 30 days) as NaBloPoMo. I've been less than bloggy ~~this year~~ lately and it's time to get back to it.

I need some help. What do you want me to write about? Otherwise I can almost guarantee multiple posts about canning, which is a new skill that I've been developing over the last year. I even have pictures of the jam and spaghetti-sauce-making processes. They'd be easy to upload, and I'm pretty psyched about all the delicious jam and spaghetti sauces and pickles and fruit syrups in my laundry room. Just sayin'...

November is always a busy month for our family as it is, what with Melkamu and Jason's birthdays (and then Patrick's only 3 days into December), Thanksgiving, and the near-end of the semester for me (which always coincides with getting many research papers, lab reports, and panicked student e-mails); however, I'm going to do my best to keep up with things.

As always, there will be Wordless Wednesdays, which will likely feature pictures of our two ever-eating and therefore ever-growing sons. One post today, four posts planned--that only leaves 25 more to figure out!

Eeps.

Updates

2010-10-18T16:30:00.000-04:00

I should probably start with the biggest--or smallest, depending on your point of view. The name of our blog is becoming even more apropos, as we are expecting a third child in about 4 1/2 months! I am 20w2d pregnant as of today with a long-awaited baby, and we could not be happier about the little one who will be joining our family come March-ish.

I like to call this one the Skeletor shot.

Little curled-up baby :-)

He/she was being very stubborn and did not want to get into a particularly good position for pictures.  I have somehow managed to pass on the stubbornness trait to all of my children, whether biological or not.

We did not find out the baby's gender because we're planning to be surprised. I've been surprised at how many people assume that we're hoping for a girl--truly, our boys are so much fun that how could we be anything but overjoyed if we have another one? We're just thrilled to be able to add to our family, and very relieved to find out that the baby appears very healthy.

I've been feeling him/her kick for almost 2 months, and Jason and the kids have all felt movement also. It's amazing to me that this baby was strong enough to kick hard enough that Jason could feel it at 17 weeks! I am so thankful for a healthy, active, strong little one who has made it this far. Only another 20 weeks or so to go!

We are planning to give birth to this baby at home and could not be more excited about our decision*. Patrick actually started advocating for homebirth an hour after we told the kids about the baby (at the end of the first trimester)--"Mama, are you going to the hospital to have the baby or will you have a homebirth?" I said that Daddy and I would talk about it and make a decision. He immediately said "I think you should have the baby at home!" I had no idea that he'd been paying such close attention to my Bradley classes! Both kids have seen tons of birth videos and are excited to be able to be here. I've told Melkamu that he can be one of the first people in the world to hold the baby when it's born, and he is incredibly puffed-up with pride and excitement.

Beyond than that news, the kids and Jason and I are doing well! Kamu's breathing has been better now that he's on regular medications (Flo.vent and Singu.lair), so we haven't had a crisis or had to have him on steroids in about 4 months.  Before that, he was on them about every 6 weeks - 2 months. Winter and spring will be the telling seasons, as that's normally when he has problems. He loves daycare and seeing his friends, has learned his colors, and is starting to learn his letters. He still has issues with counting but we're working on them. Melkamu has also grown incredibly in the last couple of years. When he came home at 16 months of age, he was 22 lbs and wearing 12 month-sized clothes. He will be 4 a month from tomorrow and now weighs about 39 lbs, is 46" tall, and wears 5T clothes. He's constantly mistaken for being about 5 years old!  This can be a little frustrating at times since he certainly acts like a typical 3-year-old but people expect him to behave older than he is based on his size. Kamu loves to giggle and play, and is incredibly cuddly. He is such an amazing and loving little boy!

Patrick is in first grade and toothless--he has lost all four of his front teeth, and only one of the bottom ones has started to come in. He still plays soccer and is now in the U8 league.  We have been astounded at how far Patrick has come with his reading. He fought with us about practicing reading frequently in kindergarten, even though he could read. (He doesn't like to do anything about which he is less-than-confident.) Now, though, he hardly stops reading! The other night he and I read the first chapter of a Magic Treehouse book (we alternate pages when we read together). Then he asked if he could read a little more before bed, so I said sure. The next night, I asked if he wanted to read some more of it and he said "No, I finished it last night." I don't know if he'd ever read a whole chapter book himself before! He and Jason have just finished The Ozma of Oz, and I'm planning to start reading the first Harry Potter book with him soon.

Jason and I are moving right along. Work is going fine. Jason's job is just a job, but a job is better than the year of no job. My job is going very well and I think I've got things worked out for maternity leave so that I will still be in good shape to apply for tenure in a year or so. I have great students this semester and they're really making it go very quickly. We're already past midterms!

Our extended families have had some serious health issues, so we've been worrying about them a lot. We wish we were closer to be there in person, but know that we love you and think of you all the time!

I will try to be back with an update in a few days and may do NaBloPoMo again next month. Love to all!

*We carefully considered our options and this is the best one for our family. We are happy to talk more about homebirth and ask that people respect our decision as being well-informed.

Read Heather's post

2010-08-31T10:44:00.000-04:00

Go, now: http://adayatthebeauchamps.blogspot.com/2010/08/not-ok.html. Come back if you feel like it, but I can't really add anything to what Heather's written.

And there you have what I feel and what I think, said so much more clearly and eloquently. "don't put me in your little club just because our skin matches. our hearts do NOT. please leave."

If you have ever said anything that is intolerant of another group, to me OR anyone in my family, it stops now. I don't care if it is racist, anti-adoption, anti-Muslim, anti-homosexual, anti-anything...it stops now.

If you have ever sent an e-mail that is intolerant of another group, to me OR to my husband, it stops now. I'm saying this on here rather than calling people out personally because there are those with whom we are close who have done this--you know who you are, or you know if that person is in your home. If you wouldn't send it to me because you know I'd get offended, it should not be going to Jason. Jason would rather just delete them and not offend someone by pointing out the racism inherent in that kind of message. I'm not so concerned about anyone else when it comes to protecting my kids. I have accidentally opened those and if I have done it, the kids could do it. If it happens again, you will be personally asked to stop, and that's just going to be embarrassing for you.

If my black child could not marry your white child without your blessing and happiness; if my black, adopted child does not have equal status in your mind to my white, biological child; if you think that my black, adopted child is any less my own than my white, biological child, then we don't need to continue our relationship.

If you're offended by what I've written because you think I'm being "too sensitive" (I was called that recently when several people over the space of a couple of days implied that Melkamu was not "my own"), think about it from my point of view. You are telling me that my son, for whom we went halfway around the world because we needed him in our family, isn't equivalent to my son who came from my body? Can I tell you which process involved more determination and heartache to complete? Can I tell you which process took longer? Can I tell you that families don't go through that unless they desperately want that child with every fiber of their beings? Can I tell you that biology doesn't matter remotely when it comes to my children?

And can I tell you that I will protect my children with every breath in my body against people who spew racism and intolerance to other groups? I will raise them knowing how to deal with it, not being afraid to talk about the issues, and calling people out when they need to. Because they will be faced with it when I'm not there to protect them and I don't want them stunned by it. But I'm not about to deliberately associate with someone who does that. There are too many good people in the world to waste my time on those who think those things are worthwhile.

If either my post or Heather's post upset you for some reason, please look to your own hearts and stop trying to tell me what should be in mine.

And a follow-up to Anonymous

2010-08-21T09:06:00.000-04:00

My last post received this comment:

"Our family's experience with Scouting has been very positive. Scouting plays out in the local church basement or school cafeteria, not in the boardrooms in Dallas. We have watched our son grow in skills and confidence as he has progressed through the Scouting program from Cubs to becoming an Eagle Scout. He has had had experiences that simply would not have been available outside of Scouting. It is a very meaningful part of his life.

We have found that our son's unit has been remarkedly inclusive ranging from boys in high honors programs to boys struggling with serious disabilities. The group has been very accepting and supportive of of all boys. The issues that concern you simply do not play out at the local level in most cases. You would find a significant number of Scouting families who value inclusiveness.

I would caution you not to believe everything you read or hear in the media. I would also caution you not to allow your own biases to automatically dismiss an organization without taking time to actually view it first hand. Prejudice can take several forms, can't it?"

I was going to just write a comment to that one but felt that this needs to be put into its own post:

Anonymous, I'm glad that your family is having a positive experience. So was my husband's. I'm glad that you haven't found the national rules (that are not just "reported by the media" but were actually enacted by the organization itself) aren't played out at your local organization. I read the link that you posted and saw that the same thing is going on in his local chapter. I'm sorry you didn't feel the need to sign your comment so that I could address you by name.

But as to your thoughts, let me explain myself further. If you will look at http://www.bsa-discrimination.org/html/bsa-0202-resolution.html, you will find the actual statements made by the Boy Scouts of America organization regarding homosexual and atheist leaders. While the website is not the Boy Scout website, it does not make it any less their statements that were released publicly. I find it hard to argue that it's the media blowing these up into some sort of inflammatory argument when they are the words of the Boys Scouts themselves. And as glad as I am to hear that local organizations are not following the national rules about this, it doesn't change the fact that the national organization made an anti-homosexual and anti-atheist policy.

Yes, prejudice can take many forms. If we look at the definition in the Merriam-Webster dictionary, we see that it means "a (1) : preconceived judgment or opinion (2) : an adverse opinion or leaning formed without just grounds or before sufficient knowledge b : an instance of such judgment or opinion c : an irrational attitude of hostility directed against an individual, a group, a race, or their supposed characteristics". Therefore, I don't think that my policy on Boy Scouts can be termed prejudice because a) it's not a preconceived judgment (I had assumed that our boys would be Scouts until I learned of these policies), b) I've provided you with the "sufficient knowledge" in the form of the Boy Scouts' policies above to show that it's not based on my own "biases", as you called them, and c) I don't have an attitude of hostility against them based on supposed characteristics. I don't think it's a hostile attitude at all simply not to let my children join and not to buy popcorn from those children who have. However, even if you do feel it is hostile, it is based on the published policies from the Boy Scouts themselves. That's not "supposed characteristics", that's factual information.

I don't feel that Scouting is the only way to learn the characteristics of which you speak. By being good parents who find ways to get our children involved and active in the community, Jason and I can make those opportunities for our children. I find an important characteristic for my children is to learn to stand up against prejudice when we find it--whether we have a vested interest in that or not.

I'll end with a poem you may have heard by Martin Niemoeller that I think speaks beautifully about our family's policy on this:

"First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out--because I was not a communist;

Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out--because I was not a socialist;

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out--because I was not a trade unionist;

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out--because I was not a Jew;

Then they came for me--and there was no one left to speak out for me."

Boy Scouts and why the Morrey boys won't be joining

2010-08-20T12:41:00.000-04:00

Patrick came home from school one day early last week wearing a sticker that said something like Join Cub Scouts! Meeting on Wednesday. "Please Mama, can I be in Cub Scouts?" he asked me when I got to the daycare to pick him up.

I knew this would come up with him this year. He has two close friends who are joining Cub Scouts and I knew that he would hear about it.

"No, I'm sorry, you can't. I do have a reason, and I'll explain why when we get into the car." Cue whining, but thankfully it's a very short walk to the car.

"Why? Why can't I be in Cub Scouts?"

And I explained that the Boy Scouts have a policy of not allowing gay people to be leaders of packs (this link has several different stories--the one about Scouting is the second one). I think I said specifically Boy Scouts don't let men be leaders of a Boy Scout troop if they love another man instead of women. I said that I don't want to give money to an organization that thinks that who you love is more important than being a good person who wants to get involved. I explained that I don't want to support a group that doesn't treat people equally just because of that.

Patrick, to give him huge amounts of credit for maturity at 6 years old, thought it was a stupid policy also and did not ask again. In fact, when his friend asked if he was going to be in Boy Scouts, he simply said no. He didn't whine. He didn't think it was unfair. He recognized that homophobia isn't something that we can support and was perfectly OK with it. I could not have been prouder of my boy.

I know a huge number of families who have their sons in Boy Scouts. That's their decision. I personally won't knowingly support a homophobic organization. That means that I still love your family, I still love your children, but I won't be buying popcorn from you even though I'll buy Girl Scout cookies from your daughters. If we have a daughter someday, she can certainly join Girl Scouts (if you read the above article it summarizes the differences in the Boy Scout and Girl Scout policies with regards to the sexual orientation and religious views of leaders).

I'm sad that the boys won't be able to be in Boy Scouts. Jason was a Scout for a long time and I know he loved it--he talks very fondly about their camping trips and other activities. I was a Girl Scout for a long time and it was great. I know the boys would really enjoy it, but I can't condone homophobia.

Treasuring every minute

2010-08-18T11:48:00.000-04:00

I will be back to finish up the pictures from Alaska sometime later this week or weekend, but I have to say--this is an awesome time for our family. I walked over the pick up the kids from daycare (Patrick goes there after school) and we took our sweet time walking home. Along the way, we stopped to watch a bush that must have had 10 butterflies in it, just fluttering from flower to flower. We looked at a peach tree, an apple tree, and a crabapple tree. We saw a dead garter snake and stopped to look at it more closely. The enthusiasm of kids for every little thing, even when it was 90 degrees and humid and all of us were sweaty, just lifted my heart and made me so glad to have them in my lives. I even delayed cooking dinner because they wanted to play Legos when we got home, and I just wanted to soak in some more of that sweetness. (Plus, I make an excellent Lego spaceship ;-) )

It's really been nice to have Jason working normal hours also, because we get to spend a lot more time together as a family and as a couple. We all eat dinner together every night now, which is wonderful, and he's home early enough to help Patrick with his homework and read stories and wrestle with the kids before dinner. We're better about getting the kids to bed on time when we're both home, so there's more time for us to talk or watch a movie in the evenings also. We're planning a family camping trip in a couple of weeks and another in October.

It is just such a wonderful time for our family and I can't get enough of it.

A word from our author

2010-08-09T21:16:00.000-04:00

Heh, I guess they're all my words but still, just a quick public-service announcement to everyone on behalf of a family formed by marriage, birth, and adoption (that would be us):

If you celebrate a new baby for a family by giving a gift or making them a meal, please do the same for any family that adopts a child, regardless of how old the new child happens to be. Trust me, a meal is often the preferred option. I have made countless meals for friends who've had children through birth and adoption, and they always need them. The addition of a new child is challenging on the family dynamics and often, mealtime comes up before you've had a chance to plan it. Then you have hungry, whiny children who may have both had and put you through challenges that day, with no plans and no quick meal. I'd venture to say that it's even harder than when you have your first newborn--the newborn's food is easy to prepare (especially if you're nursing!). A hungry toddler who very well may have serious food issues doesn't and perhaps can't understand why they have to wait.

When we had Patrick, we were some of the first of our friends to have a baby. Many of our friends were single; as a result, we didn't have anyone really bring us any meals. Our families who came to visit and made meals, especially those that we could freeze and eat later, saved us on several occasions. Still, it was only Jason and I who had to worry about meals at the time.

By the time we brought Melkamu home, we knew many people who had children. I'd probably brought dozens of meals to families with new children--some adopted and some by birth. It never occurred to me to treat them differently. The night we brought Kamu home, some wonderful friends came by and stocked our kitchen so that we wouldn't have to worry about food all weekend. It was tremendously helpful. After that, nothing. I happened to mention to a friend that I wondered how much of it was because Kamu is a second child and how much is because he's adopted. (As a side note, she put out the call to her friends who knew us tangentially and they brought us meals every other night for two weeks. I don't think I told them, but I actually cried with gratitude for their generosity on several of those nights.) Many people called and wanted to stop by to meet Kamu, but almost none of them offered any help at all. I was floored at how people that I'd brought meals to (some of them multiple meals, as they'd already had more than one child between when we had Patrick and when we brought Kamu home) would say "Oh, I can't wait to meet him!" and offer no help at all.

Part of it was my fatigue and part of it was the fact that Kamu would scream as shrilly as possible when he was put down, but there were several nights when I physically couldn't cook dinner. Aside from the screaming, he would grab my legs if I put him down and it wasn't safe for me to cook at the stove with him there.

I didn't bring meals to people in expectation of payback when we brought home our child. I didn't bring meals to people so that they would feel they would owe me something. I brought meals to people because I knew how hard it was to have a new child and how meals are so easy to forget in the midst of more immediate concerns of attachment and bonding and sleep deprivation and frustration. It is such an easy gesture on my part that would make a big difference to parents with a new child.

And I'm not trying to say this to make people feel bad if they didn't help us. I swear, I'm not. But I've recently known several families who've brought home children and had no help whatsoever; meanwhile, I almost never hear of families with a brand-new child who have no help at all. Everyone swarms to help when you have a cute and cuddly infant. Few people poke their heads from the bushes to help when you have a frightened and uncertain toddler. Having been in both positions, I would say that our family needed far more help when we had the toddler come home.

While there is certainly a different physical aspect to giving birth versus adopting, there is a definite physical component to adopting. The family may be physically ill from being in a different country or the travel itself, there is most definitely sleep deprivation even after the jet lag ends, there's the emotional trauma of the child that can lead to physical trauma (some children will fight their new parents hard enough to truly hurt--Kamu did this a few times and I've known other children who did it far more often than he did), etc.

All I'm trying to do it impress upon you the importance of helping equally. If you would offer it to a family that gave birth to their child, offer it to the family who adopted their child. It may be doing some grocery shopping for them (they'll gladly give you money and a list!), making a meal, mowing their lawn, washing and folding some laundry, picking up their dry-cleaning, taking their dog for a walk (it's probably feeling a bit neglected ;-) ), whatever.

Trust me, those families that you help will be more grateful than you will ever know.

Alaska--finally!

2010-08-06T16:58:00.000-04:00

Oh, hello there! Fancy seeing you here. You probably thought I'd forgotten about you, didn't you? The truth is that trying to both teach full-time and be home full-time this summer pretty much kicked me in the...well, this is a family blog so I'll leave the appropriate body part to your imagination. Instead of my normal more-frequent posting in the summer, I haven't been here in 6 weeks. They've been a very busy 6 weeks and I have lots of stories to share, but I start back to work on Monday and I'll have to fit this in with the whole mom/wife/friends/work/singing/everything else that I try to do thing.

So without further blather, I will share pictures of our fantabulous cruise in Alaska with Mom and Dad M, Adam, and Jim!

We started in Vancouver, which was a lovely city. We weren't there for long and so my only pictures are from our massive boat.

Poor Uncle Adam got jumped by the boys pretty much as soon as they saw him. Actually, the boys spent a lot of time climbing on the whole family as much as possible. Jason and I are just not as good at being jungle gyms as other relatives.

We cruised the first day and then spent the second day in Ketitchkan, Alaska, where there are numerous totem poles found all around the city. Some have been replaced with replicas because, unsurprisingly, wood isn't the most permanent of materials in the Alaskan climate. It didn't make them any less impressive!

The salmon weren't running yet but we enjoyed seeing the rivers. (By the way, the kids will be in those outfits in pretty much every picture shown. I swear that the clothes under the jackets were clean every day. The highs were in the 50s and maybe low 60s all week. And it rained a lot.)

We walked all over Ketitchkan, took the tram to the resort on top of the mountain, walked down to the fish hatchery (complete with the bald eagles at the left), and went to the culture museum.

The fish hatchery was really cool! We learned how they harvest the fish from the river, how they spawn them (thousands of eggs from a single female!), and how they release them when they're grown.

The next day, we were at Icy Strait Point. Everyone else got to see whales there except me and the kids. But with this kind of scenery, it was hard to get too upset.

We took little boats to the shore, where we learned about the fish-packing business (in a word, ick) and wandered the beautiful coastline.

The kids had such a fun time getting a full week with Grandpa and Grandma M! They could usually be found cuddled up with them (or, in Patrick's case, challenging them to a game of Uno).

We found a little rocky cove and wandered down to see the thousands of mussels on the rocks and little crabs and snails in tide pools. Jason and the other menfolk went fishing that afternoon but alas, the salmon and halibut eluded them.

That day, it was briefly warm (and sunny) enough to take off our jackets and hats while we had fantastic chowder and fish n' chips for lunch.

We got to Juneau the next day, where we immediately went to the Mendenhall Glacier, one of my very favorite parts of the whole cruise (other than Dad's injury, which we really could have done without ;-) )--and I loved this trip, so that's saying something. It was simply gorgeous there. A bit chilly but beautiful.

Just look at the blue ice. Amazing! We took the time to make the hike to the waterfall right next to the glacier and it was so very well worth the muddy shoes and carrying Kamu halfway back.

We got back to the shuttle bus stop just as our company's bus left, so it was quite a wait until the next one. Jason did serve as a mighty nice jungle gym when the uncles weren't around. (Why yes, Kamu had just proclaimed himself too tired to walk all the way back from the glacier.)

Jason and the kids were tired, so we went back to the ship. Then I got bored of being on the ship since Patrick was at the Fun Factory and Kamu and Jason were napping, so I wandered Juneau some more.

This one's for you, Uncle Mike ;-)

I'd better end there for now, as there are still several more days of the cruise to cover. I'll try to get back here before another 6 weeks has passed! In the meantime, Patrick has lost his first tooth and has the adult one already growing in, has 4 other loose teeth, and starts first grade on Monday! Kamu is into size 5T, is the funniest 3-year-old I've ever met, and can't wait to see his friends at daycare. Jason's still at his job and I start mine on Monday. That's us in a nutshell for now!

11th anniversary...no, Father's Day..no, day of sick kids

2010-06-20T22:59:00.004-04:00

Patrick threw up tonight, then fell asleep at the top of the stairs (panicking Jason and I when we saw him there). After throwing up in his bed, he went to watch a movie in my bed. After the movie, he threw up again--at which point Melkamu came in saying "Ow ow ow" and holding his stomach.

I know you come here to read about my childrens' upset GI tracts.

In happier news, it's Father's Day! We celebrated by making Jason Star Wars pancakes for breakfast, then the kids and Jason went for a walk in The Big Forest near our house (and Jason informed me that there's a wild blackberry thicket there, hooray!). After they cleaned up a bit, we went to lunch and then Patrick bought a new bicycle--two wheels, no training wheels. He's not quite ready to ride it but we'll work on that when he's feeling a little better.

It's also our 11th anniversary! Eleven years ago today, on Father's Day of 1999, I married the love of my life. We've had such a wonderful time over the last 11 years, with such a great family...I can't imagine any other life that could make me happier than the family we've built together.

*Happy sigh*

And since you've been forced to read about my children being sick and my sappy sweet tribute to my husband, who brought me a dozen beautiful white roses today, I will treat you to some pictures of my kids when they were NOT sick.

Patrick is teaching Melkamu to use the computer--they both like PBS Kids a lot.

In this perspective, Melkamu looks like a giant...oh wait, he IS a giant. I just took out the 5T clothes for him to wear.

Patrick: "Mama, did you see the picture Daddy took of my pretzel rings?" Hmmm. Note to self--keep Jason away from the camera.

Patrick's love of constructing different things on the steps often comes out during quiet time.

The lack of pants never hinders Melkamu from painting a picture of a train.

Kamu took this picture of Patrick catching a firefly. Awesome, isn't it?

They were awfully sweet out there, catching fireflies in their matching jammies.

We're having a fantastic summer, with a lot of laughter and fun so far!

I have to warn you, next time I'm posting pictures of all of my canning--spaghetti sauce, strawberry and blackberry jams and, coming soon, Mom M's pickles.

The summer hath begun

2010-06-12T00:48:00.001-04:00

Which mean's it's time to share pictures of the kids and the fun we're having!

Kamu really, really loves reading and books and magazines. The pictures in National Geographic Kids are some of his favorites.

Sometimes a dad just has to dress like his kids, and vice versa.

We always have a fabulous time at the Renaissance Festival! Here's the annual picture of the kids with King Henry VIII and Queen Anne after the kids's knighting ceremony. (P.S. Patrick's not short, it's just that Kamu's ridiculously tall for a 3 1/2 year old.)

Patrick's getting better and better at cooking! Here he is cooking his scrambled eggs (under close supervision, of course). He now cracks the eggs, puts in the milk, mixes, and cooks. If he was allowed to touch the knobs on the stove to turn it on, he'd be doing it all!

Look at the hair on that kid. Man, I wish I had hair like that.

Have I mentioned that he's got 3 loose teeth? As a baby he got his first tooth late, then got another every 2 weeks until he had the first four. I suspect they're going to come out the same way. Man, he's going to look funny ;-) What's the going rate for the tooth fairy these days anyway?

We had some beautiful weather last week and decided to hit the last week of strawberry-picking season. Thankfully, this coincided with the first week of blackberry-picking season! We picked almost 3 gallons of strawberries and 1 of blackberries.

7 jars of strawberry jam and 5 of blackberry jam, strawberry cheesecake ice cream, strawberry shortcake, along with countless berries of each eaten...mmm! We're going to have to do this again with blueberries soon!

As summer begins...

2010-05-31T20:06:00.000-04:00

I have some goals. I'm putting them online so that you can all roll your eyes and enjoy watching me eat my serving of humble pie in August when I go back to work and have to report on their failure. We all know that public humiliation is more fun than any other kind...occasionally you have to take the brunt of it.

I submit, for your feelings-of-superiority-enjoyment:

1) To help Kamu learn his numbers and colors better. He's doing remarkably well lately but still needs a bit of help to catch up with where he probably should be at this point. We're making it a priority to count anything we can with him and make colors into a game, so we're already into this goal.

2) Get Patrick writing his letter facing the correct way the majority of the time. He regressed in this tremendously over the last year. Since his teacher did not feel the responsibility to address it even slightly, we're on deck to continue getting him to write letters the right way. This is especially important because my next goal is...

3) To scan in Patrick's first completely self-written and self-illustrated story and post it! He wrote a story that he titled "A Fantasy Story" about a baby dragon's search for his mother. He wrote the whole thing himself using only minor help with spelling--usually spelling help consists of Jason and I telling him to sound it out and telling him if he's right or wrong. It's cute as can be and really sweet, and I want to share it with everyone.

4) Somehow figure out a work-life balance. I'm teaching two classes this summer and yes, that IS considered full-time over the summer since the semester is half as long as a regular semester. One class is online and one is at night, so I'm still home with the kids every day. As I told Jason, I'm working full-time and home full-time. I'm not sure how that works with the whole time-space-continuum-thingy.

5) Eat veggies from our own garden more often, and buy local and organic when I can't. We're going berry-picking sometime this week (hopefully tomorrow) and I'm going to be scouring the area for convenient farmer's markets and local farm stands. I decided against joining a CSA group because I'm just not sure that I'll be dedicated enough to this one to have something set in stone, but there is fantastic local produce and I want to take advantage of it!

6) The whole host of home-improvement projects that we've got set to do. Fun stuff includes caulking the tubs, getting the edging down around all the floors we've replaced, and hopefully talking Jason into helping me put down laminate in the dining room. Oh, and I'm repainting the front porch this week.

7) Bask in the adorableness of my kids. Summer is always so much fun and I hope this one will be just as great!

Photos coming just as soon as I manage to locate the camera, with its 200+ non-downloaded pictures.

And now for something completely different

2010-05-16T13:58:00.000-04:00

As you all know, I teach childbirth classes in The Bradley Method of Natural Childbirth®. Even though I’ve only given birth once and am not pregnant (just wanted to get that out there in case people thought I was sending a subliminal message), I try to keep up with new books about pregnancy and birth and parenting. So when I got an e-mail from MomCentral asking for reviewers for The Hot Mom to be Handbook, I immediately asked to be part of the book tour!

I started the book on Wednesday and finished it by Friday afternoon—it was a quick, light-hearted read about pregnancy. The book discussed what you might be feeling during each month of pregnancy, from even before you’re necessarily sure that you’re expecting to when you are two weeks past your due date and everyone’s asking “Are you still pregnant?”

The book was written by a blogger and member of the Hot Moms Club, Jessica Denay. I had not been to the website before reading the book but my interest was piqued and I checked it out after finishing. I found a lot of different sources: sections for communities of pregnant moms, articles, blogs, etc. It looks like a really nice resource for both expecting moms and dads!

The book was set up in a nice modular format, with short sections and interesting headings. I remember very well the difficulty that I had concentrating while pregnant (in fact, the book talks about “baby brain”!) and think that this setup is probably great to help take in little bits of information at a time, without being overwhelming. The sections for “Bump on a Budget” and “Eco-Minded Mama” sprinkled throughout each chapter were fantastic! You all know how much I enjoy Earth-friendly things and as a mom who had her first baby while in graduate school, I distinctly remember how scary it was at times to think about affording all the things that a baby needs!

I also really enjoyed the little blurbs and quotes from famous people as well as members of the Hot Moms Club website. I’m a big fan of collaborative learning and it’s always great to have more experiences than just personal ones when a book is meant to appeal to a large group of people.

There was a section about how important it is to keep your relationship a priority and since this is something I talk about in classes, I really appreciated it being included in the book. Having a baby can definitely be overwhelming and puts new pressures on both parents but if you are prepared and have a plan in mind for how to keep the two of you a focus, it’s much easier.

Overall, the book was an enjoyable read about issues that expecting moms may be experiencing. It would be a fun book to read during pregnancy, especially if you got it at the beginning and read each chapter as you got to that month of pregnancy!

***********************

I wrote this review while participating in a blog tour campaign by Mom Central on behalf of HarperCollins and received a copy of The Hot Mom to Be Handbook to facilitate my review. Mom Central also sent me a gift certificate to thank me for taking the time to participate.

Do you ever get bored?

2010-05-08T18:50:00.001-04:00

Nah, me either.

Today we got up and had a kind of lazy day that involved feeding the family, the kids watching TV, Jason taking Kamu to get a haircut, Patrick's last soccer game, soccer team party, and then coming home. Jason went out on some sort of mysterious errand that he says he can't tell me about until tomorrow. Hmm...

At that point, two of Patrick's friends came over so that they could play. Kamu was supposed to be napping but ended up playing with the bigger boys outside. It was a gorgeous day and my choices were to either grade outside or do something useful. I watered the front garden (strawberries, peas, squash, carrots, onions, Swiss chard, lettuces, and flowers) and then decided to go into the backyard to clean it a bit. Instead, I started picking the wild strawberries back there--and then decided to make wild-strawberry jam.

Who has time to be bored?

I've never made any kind of jam before and decided to start with this uncooked version. I didn't get nearly enough strawberries to fill a whole jar, but we'll try it tomorrow and see how it tastes. If it's awful, we haven't lost anything except some time and sugar. If it's good...well, there are plenty more wild strawberries back there!

The end of the semester is almost here

2010-05-03T09:54:00.000-04:00

I can't tell you how excited I am! As much as I enjoy my job, I really cherish my summers home with my boys. We'll be going to the pool, to Stone Mountain, to the zoo, to playgroup--all very fun things that we don't get to do nearly often enough during the school year. I'm going to help Kamu learn his colors and numbers better and since he's already pretty good with numbers, we may start working on letters. He wants to do everything Patrick and since Patrick is such a good reader now, Kamu wants to learn his letters. Whenever he does a drawing, he points out the "letters" that he's written on it. Very cute!

Then there's our cruise in Alaska with the Morrey family in June! We are so excited about this trip--it will be such a fun time for all of us. We'll get lots of time together in an incredibly gorgeous setting!

This summer will be different because I am actually working. I'm teaching a class online as well as a lab two nights a week. The lab doesn't start until 8 p.m., so Jason will be home and we can still have dinner as a family before I have to leave to get there. I'm more nervous about the online class than the other one. While I've taught this particular class before, I've never taught a fully-online course. I've asked for help from another professor who's taught it many times online and she's got fantastic suggestions, so that brings me some peace. I'm just nervous because I've heard that online courses are really challenging to teach and require a lot of time. I sense a lot of work getting done during the boys' Quiet Time and some late nights, which means that the house will just have to stay a wreck. Alas! After a year of unemployment, we need to rebuild our savings and this seemed to be one of the best ways to do it since I can still be home with the boys. Unless we need it for some reason, though, I'm not doing it next summer.

I'm looking forward to seeing what Patrick chooses to read this summer. Now that he's confident in his reading ability, he reads all the time. I'm excited to see what books he gets from the library to keep him interested. He's so fascinated by so many different things.

I'm excited to have some time with just Melkamu. Patrick's going to be at tennis camp for a couple of mornings one week and soccer camp another week, so we'll get some great one-on-one time. He's such a fun kid and his enthusiasm for everything makes me smile nonstop.

I'm not sure how it will be with me working this summer, but summers are often less-stressful for our family as a whole. While my job is a great one, it's still hard having a two-working-parent family. A lot of the little things get put off until my breaks, so those will get done this summer--car services, plumbing issues, etc. There's always something that needs to be done but it is really nice to have some time in the daytime hours of the summer to get them completed!

However, I'm signing off for the next week or so until finals are over. (Next Wednesday at about 7:30 p.m, or 9 days, 9 hours, and about 37 minutes. Not that I'm counting.) I have a million papers to grade and final exams to write but once they're all done, I'll be back with more photos!

Conference comedy

2010-04-27T23:19:00.001-04:00

I was in line waiting for some popcorn at the conference today--even scientists need afternoon snacks. The popcorn was popping and so we were standing there for a little while. The people in the group a little ways behind me started talking about the popcorn maker: "Wow, they're so great." "We should get one at work!" "Yeah, we could say it's for testing different types of popcorn to get it approved!"

The guy directly behind me, who had been considering an ice cream from the freezer and was not looking at the group, said "Just make sure you don't get any of that genetically-modified corn!"

At that moment, I happened to turn around and saw the nametags on the group of people discussing popcorn. Our nametags have our institution of company on them. What I saw made me look twice.

From where did the popcorn-lovers hail, you might ask?

Monsanto.

I snickered all the way to my next symposium.

Thoughts from the West Coast

2010-04-26T16:59:00.000-04:00

1. I am traveling an awful lot this year. San Francisco last month (and I still need to post photos) for a publisher's conference. Anaheim now for the Experimental Biology meeting. Alaska in June. New York at Thanksgiving.

2. I was amused at the airport when I got here. There was a man standing next to me at LAX, waiting for a shuttle. He made me think that he was trying to be very cool--the sunglasses went on immediately, the jacket slung over his shoulder, that attitude of "I am more important than you" being projected from him. He was holding onto his suitcase's extendable handle and he looked very cool...until the handle released and he tripped over his suitcase while trying to catch his balance. I snickered.

3. It feels very weird to have to constantly plan the times that things are happening at home. I know that Jason will be leaving work soon to get the kids, and they'll go home and have dinner. However, it's only mid-afternoon here. I'm about to hold an online review session for my biology majors and it's weird thinking that I should be in class in 30 minutes; instead, I'm going to hang out in Downtown Disney with my stepcousin in an hour!

4. While I knew that Disneyland was here, I didn't realize the intense lure of the Mouse until the shuttle bus that I took from my hotel stopped at the park. I had to change shuttles and Space Mountain was right in front of me. It was like the Siren's call. I don't know how I managed to avoid it.

5. Science is awesome! I believe Siobhan said it's like the "nerd mothership" and while I can't deny it, this is incredibly fascinating. I've been to multiple talks on stem cells, pharmacology and pharmacovigilance, and anatomy. I've read countless posters and gotten several lovely (albeit nerdy T-shirts). It's a happy place to be...and not because Disney is right next door.

6. I miss my family. A lot.

7. I got to see a lovely friend from graduate school last night for dinner. She's here for the meeting also and we had a great time. Takita, I'm so glad we got together!

8. I'm hoping I adjust to the time change going East as easily as I did coming West...but I doubt it. And that's going to be challenging since I have to be at work 10 hours after my flight is scheduled to land. Ugh.

9. On the other hand, I will only have 3 days of classes left when I get back. I've survived another semester--this is always cause for celebration!

10. Anaheim isn't nearly as pretty as San Francisco. I loved San Francisco. But I'm doing just as much walking here as I was there. They have sidewalks in California. SIDEWALKS! My hotel is just over a mile from the conference center and I've walked it twice a day so far.

And I've got to go hold the review session now!

Who switched my children?

2010-04-22T09:53:00.000-04:00

Scene in the house this morning: Kamu had crawled into bed with Jason and I at some point last night, so I'm squashed between the two of them. The alarm goes off (we have it set to the radio). I hate when the alarm goes off. It's insanely irritating, so I usually get right up and flip it off. Even when Kamu gets into our bed, he wakes up as soon as it does and so I can easily get up and turn it off.

This morning, Kamu didn't wake up. He grumbled a bit but no more than that. Jason took his own sweet time getting up; meanwhile, I'm between the two of them, gritting my teeth and wishing I could throw something at the stupid radio because I can't get up (they truly had me pinned). Jason FINALLY gets up and goes to wake up Patrick. I hop up and turn off the radio.

Kamu is still not up, so I crawl back into the bed and start munching on his arm to get him to wake up. He grumbles some more and turns over away from me. "Kamu, it's time to get up." "Ehhhhhhhhhh....." and more grumbling.

"Melkamu, you have to get up. It's a school day!"

Grumble, grump. "I no want get up. I seepy." Hide under the pillow.

Patrick bounces in, stage left. Patrick is normally the child who has to be dragged out of bed but he is smiling, happy, and wide awake this morning. "Good morning Mama! I woke up when Daddy came to get me!"

"Good morning Patrick! Kamu, you've got to get up." Uncover the smallest child and throw the pillow to the foot of the bed.

Crying ensues. Pitiful, pitiful crying, interspersed with "But I SEEPY!!!"

It was a complete 180 from our normal mornings. I can only wonder what the rest of the day will bring...

Signs of spring at the Morrey home

2010-04-12T13:31:00.000-04:00

The signs of spring abound at our house. Despite the pollen coating EVERY. FREAKING. THING, and associated allergy-type reactions (that are thankfully few in our home), spring is still my favorite time of year in Georgia.

Patrick is playing soccer for the first time this year. He scored a goal in his second game! They get slaughtered every week but the kids are having a great time and are actually getting noticeably better each time. Plus, two of his best friends are on the team, plus another boy from his class that he likes a lot. Go Panthers!

A new "tradition" (can it be a tradition if it was only the second year?) is the neighborhood Easter Egg Hunt, hosted by our lovely friends the Petts. It was a truly enjoyable day--beautiful weather, even better friends, and a fun time for all kids and adults alike.

This is also the second year that I've participated in Relay For Life with the American Cancer Society. We have a health sciences club at our school, of which I'm one of the faculty advisors, and we partnered with the honor society to raise money this year. I also brought the kids with me and they had a fantastic time. I've promised that next year we will set up the tent and stay "until midnight!", as Patrick has gleefully requested. (As a side note, the kids went 6 laps around the track, running most of them and not getting home until about 10 p.m., and still had enough energy for a 9 a.m. soccer game and a birthday party the next day. I was worn out.)

Ah, the seedlings. As usual, I started them too late and they're puny but coming along. I'm hoping that I can transplant them into their final containers by May and get a decent harvest this year. The new heat mat and grow lamp are definitely helping. There are others beyond these, but these are some of the most advanced. Today I am soaking beans so that they can go in tomorrow!

The laundry racks have taken up their semi-permanent residence on the back porch ;-) Melkamu loves playing on the porch and there are always toys out there. Both he and Patrick are currently back in thrall with Weebles.

The strawberries are back. I planted 3 last year, which expanded to 6, and planted 3 new ones this year. We should actually have a decent crop of strawberries this year! Of course, we tend to eat them immediately, so there won't be any jams or anything. Hey Aunt Meg, we love you...!

And the flowers are just lovely this time of year. Both Patrick and Melkamu "helped" with their plantings--Patrick actually helped pull weeds and dig holes, while Kamu helped by asking me to hand him every worm I found so that he could re-home them near the strawberries. He decided that it needed the most help.

It's important to be happy with yourself

2010-04-07T10:48:00.000-04:00

There I was, getting all upset about a conversation on Facebook, when it hit me: I just have to be happy with myself, my family, and the way I'm raising MY children. That's it. I looked at my children, who were playing on the back porch swing, watching a squirrel build a nest in a tree next to the house and I was utterly thrilled with my life.

Jason and I put a lot of time and effort into raising our children to be happy, loved, well-behaved, and responsible. And so far, they are fantastic kids. Granted, I may be a bit biased, but I truly believe it. They are strong and healthy, with wonderful moral values already. Patrick told me that he'd heard about the earthquake in Haiti when he was in school, and said "I have three twenty dollars from my allowance. Maybe we can send that to Haiti." He's been saving that money for months but as soon as he heard about people who needed it, his first instinct was to help them because he knew they needed it more than he did. And so we did. I can't even begin to tell you how proud I was of his decision.

He is six. Just six, and yet he already knew that you have a responsibility to help others when you can. I like to think that we have instilled that value in him by demonstrating that we do so also.

We know some people who look at Melkamu as exotic, who use him to claim that their children "have black friends." Like he is supposed to show that they are well-rounded and not stuck in a narrow little slice of the world. As a rule, we've stepped back from those people. My child will not be used to show that you are "colorblind". My child will not be used so that you can say "Oh, we don't care about color. My son has a friend who is black!" He is a beautiful, smart, loving, happy child in his own right. He will NOT be used to show your "acceptance" of others.

To me, these are symptoms of the same problem: that people isolate themselves with those who share their own views. The only people they know are people with whom they share commonalities of race, socioeconomic class, and/or religion. They do not stretch themselves to know others who come from different backgrounds. As a result, they believe that everyone has the same advantages, the same opportunities that they did. And they then believe that people who are struggling are there because they just didn't try hard enough, didn't work hard enough. It makes me truly sad to know that I personally know people with these views, because they don't see the problems themselves and aren't willing to consider the fact that there might be people who, due to the circumstances into which they were born or those that they can't control, DON'T have the opportunity to help themselves back up.

I went to an inner-city high school. White students were in the minority. There were a lot of drugs around, though we used to joke that our students couldn't afford them, so they just sold them to the students in the mostly-middle-class, mostly-white, high schools nearby (in retrospect, it's clearly not funny but a 17-year-old has a different view of what's funny). As a result of being in that environment, I learned to get out of the comfort zone into which I'd been placed while going to an all-white private Jewish elementary school. I had no choice, and it was one of the best things for me. I could genuinely claim friends of many races. I could genuinely claim friends of different religions. I could genuinely claim friends of different economic backgrounds.

I hope that Jason and I are instilling that in our children. I believe we are. My children's friends are black, white, Indian, Hispanic, and Asian. They have friends with more money than we do, and friends with less money than we do. They have friends with two-mom households. They have friends with traditional families, and many friends with adoptive families.

When I dropped off my kids at daycare today, Patrick (who is on spring break) was immediately welcomed by two girls in his class--one Hispanic and one Indian. He then went to play with some other friends, both of whom are black. Melkamu hugged his favorite boy in the class, who is white, and his favorite girl in the class, who is black.

And so I leave this post, not trying to brag on how well-adjusted my kids are and therefore how poorly-adjusted the kids of these other families are, but with a hope that the parents of those other families will stretch themselves, come out of their comfort zones and reach out to others who come from different backgrounds. And that they will do it with only a sense of wanting to meet others, to expand their worlds, not with the ideas of changing their religions or using people as ways they can show how "accepting" they are. Their kids will benefit tremendously.

Isn't that interesting...?

2010-03-12T20:34:00.000-05:00

We got news a couple of days ago via a Yahoo group to which I belong that Ethiopia is changing their travel requirements. They will soon be requiring both prospective adoptive parents (PAPs) to make two trips to the country: the first is to appear at the court date to testify that they have met the child and wish to complete the adoption, the second will be later when the child has received an embassy appointment so that they can receive a visa and go home with their adoptive parents (APs).

This is a huge change from the previous requirements. In the past, it was a single trip only for the embassy date. While many families have both APs travel, there was the option for only one parent to travel or even to have the child escorted to the U.S. if there were a compelling reason that neither parent could travel. Now, none of those are an option--as far as I know, both parents must travel for the court date.

At first I was horrified and dismayed. Not about both parents having to travel--that we'd do anyway, and probably bring both of our kids. One of the reasons we chose to adopt from Ethiopia was that there was only a single trip of a week required. I wanted the freedom to choose to travel for longer, but not the requirement that I be there longer*. I also hate the idea of meeting your child and then having to leave them for several months--this seems like such a cruel thing to do to a child who has already faced abandonment at least once and probably more than that.

I know there are reasons. The Ethiopian government is trying to crack down on corruption, which needs to happen. There have been some agencies who have referred "healthy" children to PAPs; yet when the children are through court and the APs go to Ethiopia to get them, they have found that their kids are very ill in unmistakable ways. There have been agencies who have referred children claiming they were under a certain age, only to have the APs get there and have the children tell the APs that they are years older than the agency claimed (mind you, there is a lot of underaging in Ethiopia that isn't always known). There have been agencies that have referred one child and then given the parents a completely different child when the APs went to get them. In some of those cases, the APs have declined to bring the child home--being asked to take responsibility for a child who is expected to need lifelong medical care when you expected them to be reasonably healthy isn't one all APs or PAPs can make. However, the Ethiopian system is set up so that if court has already happened successfully and then the APs decline to bring them home, the children seem to be permanently unadoptable, even if there is a family willing to take on those challenges. Having to make two separate trips and testify in court that you have met the child and want to bring them home should eliminate that problem.

These faults are with the agencies, and yet they affect the entire stability of the Ethiopian adoption program. The use of unethical agencies by PAPs is appalling, especially when they know that there have been cases of unethical behavior in these agencies and yet still choose to use them while believing "it won't happen to us" perpetuates the problem. These agencies should be shut down immediately. Adoption is supposed to be about finding a family for a child; part of that is being sure it is the right family for that child. A family not able to inclined to handle those challenges is not the right family for that child and it is dealing huge blows to the entire system when agencies do this.

But I digress. There has been a huge outcry from PAPs who are already in the system who suddenly need to raise money and find time to make this second trip. For some of them, it will be impossible and they will need to find another country or choose not to adopt. It will certainly be a burden even on the families who can make the trip. There are still questions about what happens if you don't pass court the first time--do you have to travel back for the next court date? Will they accept your testimony that day and use it for future court dates? When are they actually implementing the policy? (The most recent thing I've heard is that it won't be before May and may not be until late fall. I have no idea if this is correct.)

In any event, I told Jason as soon as I heard about it. And we talked out most of my fears. We couldn't fathom the idea of going to another country to adopt again--our next children are in Ethiopia. What we talked about was the possibility of us both going over for the court date, and then me staying until the kids can come home (and Jason would fly back for the embassy date at the end). Maybe not fostering them, since I don't think it's allowed, but certainly visiting them and spending time with them daily. Not leaving them for months hoping that we'll come back. We'd find a place for me to stay in a guesthouse or renting a room in a home.

And we might bring Patrick and Kamu, and then let them stay also. The idea just hatched in my brain earlier today but when I talked to Jason, it seems to have merit. If it were even partly over the summer, our expenses would be way up if they stay here since they'd have to be in daycare when I'd normally be home with them. While it would be nearly impossible to be away from Jason for that long, we both feel that it would be a better choice for our new kids to do that. And the opportunity for the kids to stay in Ethiopia for several months may be too great to give up.

Of course it would be challenging. It would be very difficult to be apart for so long, not to mention quite a bit more expensive. Ethiopia is a pretty cheap place to go but several months of having our family on two different continents would add up. There's the question of my job--would I be able to teach fully online for a semester? Would I have to take leave for a semester? Would it be during the summer when I wouldn't be working anyway?

We don't have the answers to those questions and honestly, we don't need them yet. We're quite a way from starting the adoption process again anyway (strangely, a year of unemployment is not good for the old savings account. Who knew?). But after only a couple of days of knowing this news, I've completely changed my opinion from "There's no way we can do that" to "Wow, what an opportunity!" And now I actually find myself excited at the prospect.

It helps that we've known people who've done this, though not in Ethiopia. My friend (Hi Shanna!) stayed in Kazakhstan for almost 2 months with her oldest daughter when she adopted her youngest daughter in 2007, and a former labmate spent the first 2 months of her 3 months maternity leave in Guatemala fostering her oldest son until she could bring him home.

There are many other families who will be unable to make this new requirement work, and my heart goes out to them and the children that they were hoping to adopt. For our family, though, I hope this is a wonderful opportunity that also helps crack down on the corruption in the country so that the children who need families can get them ethically.

*Yes, I'm well aware of the selfishness of this statement and thankfully have reconsidered as I've learned more. Adopting a child needs to be primarily about the child, and only minorly about the wants of the PAPs.

Sometimes things just work out right

2010-03-02T13:37:00.000-05:00

1. Jason got a job!!! I think most of you already know, but he will be working for a private company who contracted with the Department of Labor to deal with immigration and visa issues of some sort or another. We're really excited and he starts on March 8th. It was a tough year with only me employed but we made it through to the other side and hope he really enjoys his job.

2. Purim: the kids tied for first place in the boy's costume contest! Melkamu is a hamentaschen and Patrick is a grogger (with bags of beans inside so that he really rattles). Aren't they cute?

2. Remembering all the events of 2 years ago, when we were in Ethiopia. I am so thrilled that we have already had Melkamu for 2 years. Still, I get a sharp pain in my heart wanting to be back there and hope that we will plan a trip in the near future. Anyone want to go?

3. We've been seeing the first signs in Melkamu of awareness of how he came into our family. We talk about adoption openly and honestly at home, and read books about it, but he'd never responded to them any differently than any other story. We keep a picture of his firstmom on his dresser, so he knows her face and who she is, but I don't think he'd really connected the ideas before. We'd recently mentioned that he came out of Aachie's (Hadiyaan for Mommy) tummy like Patrick came out of mine, and he seemed a little surprised but didn't say anything. Yesterday, though, I was showing him the lifebook that our agency made for us and there are pictures of his firstmom in there, as well as other family members, and he reacted with some surprise when he saw a picture of himself being nursed. Then he wanted to close the lifebook and didn't want to see it anymore. So we did. He's right at about the age that we'd heard he might start making connections and understanding a little more, and we'll go along with what he needs. We won't push it but we will make it available and talk about it easily with him.

4. On a related note, I'm hoping that I have a new line on a searcher to find his first family. Wish us luck!

5. Patrick got a better progress report this week, so we went to his Green-Eggs-and-Ham school breakfast this morning. It was fun (aside from the taste of elementary school-style scrambled eggs). I promised that if he does even better this week and his progress report shows it, I will go eat lunch with him next Tuesday. Here's hoping! He's so bright but such a little perfectionist. When I asked him why he wasn't finishing his work (and know very well that it's not an academic issue) he said "Well, they kept being a little crooked..." Aargh!

6. The kids are just really, really cute.

Two years ago...

2010-03-01T10:29:00.000-05:00

It's hard to have an exact date of when we met Melkamu since it was on February 29th of 2008--dratted leap year :-) But this is what we were doing two years ago today, or thereabouts. It seems incredible that two years have already passed. Two years in which Melkamu has gone from a terrified, angry, unhappy child who'd lost everything in his world and didn't trust us. Two years in which we've built that trust, so that he now knows that we will always be there for him and will do anything to keep him safe and loved and happy. Two years in which we've watched our family change from having just one child to two children who are the best of brothers.

Two years has gone by in a heartbeat for us. There were extremely challenging times that made us wonder how we would get to the other side. There were times when I shed tears for the perfection of that moment, of having all four of us enjoying each other's company and wanting nothing more than to be together. We have such a fun time and an incredible family dynamic.

Here we are, two years ago today, only a little while after meeting Melkamu for the first time.

And here we are now, feeling like we've been all together forever. Two years has gone so very quickly.

I miss my blog...

2010-02-12T00:00:00.000-05:00

I should probably post something substantive sometime soon. And I will. Soon.

For now, I beg your forgiveness for going almost 2 months without posting and leave you with this picture of adorableness on either side of me:

Gosh, they're cute. I can't believe that on this day two years ago, we confirmed that we were only 16 days away from going to Ethiopia to get Melkamu. It's amazing. 2 years.

Jason was just saying that he can't really remember what we did when it was just the three of us. Neither can I. I have lots of memories of specific events when it was just Jason, Patrick, and I, but our day-to-day lives without Melkamu...I just can't even remember what they were like. We are certainly the luckiest of parents to have such wonderful children who fill our lives with so much joy.

Gender bias and the schools

2009-12-19T18:44:00.002-05:00

Parents, School Tangle Over Boy's Long Locks

Really? Do the educators in Texas have nothing better to do than fight against a hairstyle?

You may have noticed that Patrick has long hair. Actually, it's currently longer than mine since I just got mine cut. In fact, Patrick has the longest hair in the family. He says he wants to grow it to the floor. I rather doubt it will go that far but hey, it's hair. Hair cuts. Hair grows. You have to pick your battles and hair isn't one I'm about to pick.

The only issue with the little boy in the story is his hair. If the school is concerned that it's in his eyes or is a safety issue, they could easily request that it be pulled back and out of his face. But instead, they choose to say the following: "[S]tudents who dress and groom themselves neatly, and in an acceptable and appropriate manner, are more likely to become constructive members of the society in which we live."

Let me take this in parts:
"[S]tudents who dress and groom themselves neatly..." There is nothing in the story about the child being dressed improperly or ungroomed. He is not dirty. His hair is not uncombed.

"and in an acceptable and appropriate manner" I am guessing this is from whence the whole thing stems--"acceptable and appropriate" for the stereotype of a boy ONLY, because girls are not bound by the same rules for hair. If it is a safety issue, then both genders should be bound by the same rules. If not, then it is simply gender bias.

"are more likely to become constructive members of the society in which we live." The little boy in the story says he wants to grow his hair long enough to donate it to Locks of Love (or a similar one, they don't name the charity in the story). In case you're not familiar with them, Locks of Love gives wigs made of donated human hair to children undergoing cancer treatments. Your hair has to be a certain length to donate--I believe you need to donate 10 inches. It sounds to me like he's already showing concern for others and a desire to help them. How is that being an unconstructive member of society?

And long haired men never succeed, as we well know:

This one's for you, Mom.

Oh wait, he's an elf. My bad. But meow...

Many of the commenters say awful things about the child based on the length of his hair. I won't address those because honestly, no words I can say are going to change the mind of someone so narrow-minded. But other comments need to be mentioned in relation to my own son.

Several of the commenters say that the child is being taught that he should get to flaunt the rules because of the fight over his hair's length. Since when did the length of one's hair have anything to do with being taught respectful behavior? Maybe we're "lucky" in that our school district does not have a dress code about hair lengths on boys and we don't have to fight it. But if we did, and we would fight it, it would in no way absolve Patrick from having to be respectful of his teachers, pay attention, and do his work properly. However, it would teach him to stand up for himself and fight against things that are not right and are unjustified.

Others claim that his parents are the ones forcing him to have long hair, that a 4-year-old wouldn't make that decision on his own. I beg to disagree, because when 4-year-old Patrick came home and said he wanted long hair, he was pretty adamant about it. Jason really didn't want Patrick to grow his hair. I held to the old "pick your battles" party line, and we decided to let Patrick choose. He grew it for a while, got tired of having snarls combed out (because it DOES have to stay clean and neat, regardless of its length), got it cut once, and then decided to grow it again. It's been growing for about 18 months now, with only an occasional trim, and comes down a little below his shoulders.

Still others say that his hair is a distraction to the school. In what way? It is in his eyes, so I can see that might be distracting to him. And I can understand if the school asked him to pull it back so that he wasn't distracted by it. But how is his hair distracting anyone else? It ISN'T, plain and simple.

I actually found it ironic that many of the supportive commenters were advocating that he should just pull it back so it wouldn't be an issue. Patrick has pulled his hair back in a ponytail for school on a couple of occasions. The first time he did, another child said he looked like a girl. Patrick punched him. I would call that more distracting than having his hair down--which has not been an issue for anyone, including the other boys in his class.

Frankly, I love Patrick's hair long. He had a trim the other day and it really looks great. I don't see him looking like a girl. I see him looking like Patrick, a child with interests in science and art and pretty much anything you introduce to him. I see a child who comes home with wonder about the things he's learning in school. And never once, beyond the one incident, has his hair been an issue for anything.

Ostracizing the little boy in Texas won't help. Shaming him for having long hair isn't doing anyone any good. I wish the school district would also learn to pick their battles and realize that in the grand scheme of things, a 4-year-old boy with long hair is a nonissue.

Flashback Friday--six years ago

2009-12-18T11:11:00.000-05:00

Why yes, we did stuff 15-day-old Patrick into a Santa hat. OK, we didn't have to stuff. He was still under 8 lbs by then.

Don't worry, we took him out later. Jason wanted to wear the hat. And Patrick was clearly worn out.

We are leaving for NY in a couple of days, to enjoy the holiday with my family. Jason is already looking forward to lamb for Christmas dinner. I plan on "baa'ing" under my breath through most of it.

I don't know if I'll post again before we leave, so enjoy the last night of Hanukkah, have a very Merry Christmas, and a safe and happy New Year!

Bedtimes

2009-12-10T06:00:00.001-05:00

My kids went to bed at 7:30 up until last summer, then we got lax about it. Summer's so laid-back and it wasn't a big deal if they slept in the next day, so why not let them stay up until 8? Or 8:15? Or even sometimes 8:30? It's not like we usually had to be somewhere right away in the morning. It just didn't seem like a big deal, and it really wasn't a problem.

I often had Bradley students ask "Your kids are already getting ready for bed?" when Jason would bring them upstairs at 6:30 or 6:45. Yep. It takes them for-freaking-ever to get ready for bed, especially if it's bath night. Bath night usually consists of:

1. Bath for 20 minutes or so, depending on the level of splashing and the amount of whining done about washing hair and bodies.

2. Lotion--Kamu year-round (twice a day in the winter), Patrick in the winter.

3. Hair oil and combing--Kamu, only if his hair has been washed

4. Detangler and brushing (and once, braiding)--Patrick, every bath night. Ignore the pathetic braids. I have no girls and therefore am completely out of practice.

5. Jammies--this can take a while, since the kids like to run around nekkid.

6. Brushing teeth--conversely, we have to insist that this take longer than the kids would otherwise do, though they don't mind brushing. When they rush through, I often take over brushing for them. They get to choose the language in which I count to ten (English, Spanish, French, Italian, Hebrew, and working on Amharic) and I count at a reasonable rate to get them brushed properly.

7. Story/stories--depending on what time it is, the general level of cooperation in the bedtime routine, and the length of the story chosen. Normally each kid gets to pick one book (or chapter of a book, in Patrick's case).

8. Tucking into bed--Kamu likes to be "wrapped like a hotdog" in blankets, and both kids need their special toys

Kamu has his monkey. He named it "Judge" the other day, and it seems to be sticking.

(Side note: the monkey was named "No-no" when it was Patrick's, because Patrick thought that's what monkey's said...after all, "No more monkeys jumping on the bed" was his favorite book.)

(OK, another side note: last night, I asked him if he is excited about his birthday party. He said "Yes. Monkey come Kamu birthday?" I said sure he could come. Kamu held him up so they were face-to-face and said "You come my birthday?" I thought it was so cute how he invited his special pal himself!)

Patrick has Shamoops. Shamoops has been Patrick's special pal for years. Shamoops is a master hide-and-seeker, and has been "lost" in the house several times.

We live in fear of ever losing either of these animals.

OK, done with the pictorials. Back to the bedtime routine.

9. Prayers--we say Shema every night, and then ask G-d to watch over the soldiers and bring them home safely.

10. Song(s)--again, depending on time. The kids like to have me sing to them, either Somewhere Over the Rainbow (Kamu's current favorite), Little Horses (always Shamoops's favorite), Do Re Mi (Patrick's favorite), and a variety of others.

11. Monster poem--we made this up and it must be said three times for full effectiveness. It goes:

Monsters, monsters go away

You are not welcome here

This is Patrick's bedroom

And Melkamu's bedroom

And you are not allowed.

It's free-form.

12. And finally, lights out. Actually, they're often out before prayers and songs, but otherwise this is when they finally go out.

When we started back at school, we half-heartedly went back to 7:30 bedtimes once in a while, but mostly they went to bed around 8. Patrick is always exhausted in the mornings, grumpy, argumentative, moody. It's a fight to get him out of bed, dressed, and fed before school. Kamu is a ball of happy energy who eagerly bounces out of bed around 6 a.m. normally, which is endearing but a little hard to take for those of us who are not morning people. Since Patrick has been saying he's too tired in school lately, we decided to move bedtime back to 7:30 for real.

Last night, the kids were in bed with lights out and were threatened with dire consequences if they got out of bed for anything other than the bathroom. They were both sound asleep by 7:45, and Patrick actually woke up on his own when our alarm went off this morning. He wasn't grumpy. He paid attention. He said he had a good day at school. His attitude was awesome all day that he was home, and I'm guessing it was better at school also. Needless to say, he was in bed at 7:30 tonight also and neither kid made a peep after that.

I'm a big fan of reading kids' cues and behaving accordingly. This is one we missed for months, but hopefully we're on the right track now.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-12-09T06:00:00.000-05:00

What I do when I'm supposed to be teaching...

2009-12-07T21:03:00.000-05:00

It's currently 8:45 p.m. I'm holding an online review for my anatomy students but while 6 of them are in the online classroom, none of them are asking questions. So I'm really just sitting here with my headphones and microphone on, wearing sock monkey pajamas and extremely fuzzy socks. Since computers have the wonderous capability to have multiple windows open at the same time, I thought I would post the very few pictures that I have from Thanksgiving (because I forgot both the power cord and spare battery, and our camera doesn't use regular batteries):

The view from our room at Treasure Island. One of the things I love about being in Las Vegas is that it's this big city, full of bustling energy...

...and then you turn 45 degrees and you're looking at the desert and mountains.

At the Mirage (I think).

One of my favorite pictures :-)

The living statue at the Venetian. I hadn't been there before and it was really cool.

The gondolas were a nice feature. People just don't travel by gondola through hotels nearly often enough.

And look, I found this handsome guy willing to pose for a picture below the cool ceiling!

Once we were in St. George, the kids had a wonderful time with Grandma and Grandpa.

Legos with Grandpa.

Running amok with Grandma.

Patrick whipped us all at Uno repeatedly.

And this would be a lovely picture, but for my 6-year-old's poor timing...sigh. Someday, I will have cute photos of my children with their grandparents that don't involve one child's finger up his nose.

Thankful Thursday

2009-12-03T22:44:00.000-05:00

What a special day--Patrick turned SIX today! Hard to believe, isn't it?

Just 6 short years ago, at 3:29 p.m., we met Patrick.

He weighed 6 lb 11 oz when he was born at 37w5d.

He made Jason and I into parents, roles we treasure. Since last night, I have been thinking about what exactly was happening at each time of the night and day, from when my water broke to going to the hospital, to when we found out that we were the parents of a son. It was a long day for all of us. A miraculous, incredible day.

Today, I am thankful for:

1. Patrick. He is such a genuinely great kid, full of life and creativity and happiness. He loves to be having a fun time, and his interests are so varied that you never know what he's going to be focused on from day to day.

2. Watching Patrick as he has started kindergarten. The day he came home and said, with wonder and excitement, "Mama, do you know that we're made of cells?" made my heart flip-flop in my chest. To hear him so thrilled about learning things, especially his love of science, is awesome. He thinks it's great that I teach about the body and is constantly asking questions about what's going on--and he just soaks up the information like a little sponge! He has learned so much already this year in kindergarten and we're not even halfway through yet!

3. Having conversations with Patrick. He is so interesting and always has something fun to talk about. I love to hear all about his dreams each morning, about his specials at school each day, and especially about his art.

4. Watching Patrick as a big brother. We always thought he would be a good big brother, since he is such a nice kid and so empathetic, but watching him with Melkamu has been an incredible joy. He is so considerate of his brother's feelings and of being sure to include Melkamu when he does things. We actually had to tell him that he can't always give in if Melkamu takes something of his because he just wants his little brother to be happy :-) Having them share a room was a fantastic decision and I hate to have to tell them to turn off the giggles from upstairs after bedtime. I told them yesterday that since they're sharing a birthday party next weekend, they'll have to pick a cake together. I was expecting a bit of a fight, some whining or arguing. Instead, Patrick immediately turned and said "Kamu, do you want a superhero cake?" And Kamu said "Yeah, Superman! Batman!" Just that easily, it was decided. The bond between them is so special and deep.

5. The fun of watching Patrick become the child he is, from his long hair to his love of Wii Legos Star Wars. It's so interesting to watch him as he develops. The first time he wanted long hair, it lasted a few months but then he wanted it cut because having it combed would hurt him. We cut it once, then the next time it was time to get it cut, he decided to grow it again. I don't think it's been cut beyond a very small trim since summer 2008. He likes to wear it in a ponytail sometime, but punched a kid in his class for calling him a girl the first time he wore a ponytail to school. Even though we had to talk to him about better choices for behavior, it was nice to see him sticking up for himself and not giving in to peer pressure (which has been an issue in the past). He's very, very into art and has gotten really good at drawing. I'll have to try to scan in some of his pictures. Watching the different aspects of his personality develop as he grows is such fun.

I love you, baby. Happy birthday!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-12-02T21:14:00.000-05:00

NaBloPoMo 30--What's in a name?

2009-11-30T12:29:00.000-05:00

I figured I'd end on a post I've been meaning to write for a long time. Stephanie referenced something to this point the other day, and since I've been wanting to write about it forever, I thought it was finally the time to do so.

Long before I ever had Patrick (in fact, long before I ever met Jason), I had dreams about having children someday. This was odd enough since when I was conscious, I never thought I would get married or have children--I just didn't see myself that way. I always saw myself in a cool apartment, hanging out with friends, and having a grand old time. But in my dreams, the oldest or only child was always a little blond-haired boy who looked just like Patrick as a toddler. The others varied but he was a constant. And even though I never thought I'd have kids, I knew that I would name a little boy Patrick John. Before I was ever pregnant, I knew that would be his name.

So I was shocked when he was born and I spent hours while we were in the hospital agonizing over my choice! What if he's not a Patrick? I wondered. What if I've chosen the wrong name for him? Does he look like a Patrick? Naming a child is an incredible responsibility. In many ways, it sets the stage for them. I've been surprised at how often a person's name fits them perfectly. Clearly, we chose to keep Patrick as his name and I can't imagine him with any other name.

When we chose to adopt, we originally wanted to adopt an infant and planned to rename him. We planned to keep his given name as a middle name, drop his last name for ours, and give him a first name of our choosing.

Then we learned that children in Ethiopia are given their father's first name as a last name. It didn't feel right to drop that--it's too important to him. So we figured we'd keep both his names as his middle names, but still give him a new first name. An American first name, one that would be easy to pronounce and spell.

While we waited, though, I read a lot of adult adoptee blogs. (I still do, actually, though they are not easy to read in many respects.) I heard their words about many things, and one of the things that resonated with me is the importance of having their name, of knowing their name. It's one of the few things that their firstparents are able to pass on to them, and not even all of them have that. Those who didn't seem to keenly feel its loss. I thought How can I do that to my child? How can I take away the name that might be the only thing he has left of his family? When Jason and I discussed it, we both felt the same way--we couldn't do it. It didn't feel right for us. We decided that having the same last name was enough "claiming".

Besides, with a sister named Siobhan, hard-to-spell-and-pronounce names are nothing new to me.

When we told people about our referrals, one of the first questions we always got was "Are you going to change his name?" And we replied, "No, it's his name." At first we prevaricated, saying that since he wasn't an infant, it would be too hard for him to learn a new name; ultimately, we just told people that we felt it was important to keep it. Still, many people persisted in telling us that Melkamu would need a new name, one people could pronounce and spell. Someone told me "It will be too hard for him to spell!" (When I pointed out that it has the same number of letters as Patrick's name, he stopped saying that.)

In Ethiopia, when the adoption is complete, a new birth certificate is issued for the child being adopted. Instead of the child's original name, it has Child's first name - Father's first name - Family last name. Melkamu Delelegn became Melkamu Jason Morrey. I figured we would immediately rename him when we did the readoption to be Melkamu Delelegn Morrey, but Jason liked having his name in there. Go figure. After much discussion, we decided that he would be Melkamu Jason Delelegn Morrey. It's a mouthful, but every part of it is important.

Still, I have to admit that an exasperated "Melkamu Jason!" doesn't roll off the tongue as easily as "Patrick John!" It's getting easier the more I use it, and I use it a lot lately (oh, 3 is fun...).

Melkamu means "The good one" and "Handsome". How could we possibly have chosen a more appropriate name for him? We've yet to find out exactly what Delelegn means, since it's not a common name even in Ethiopia, but the closest we can get is that it may have some reference to trade as a business.

Names are important. Names have meaning. A rose by any other name might smell as sweet, but Melkamu by any other name would be missing something vitally important to his heritage.

NaBloPoMo 29--Nearly there (gasp, choke)

2009-11-29T23:33:00.000-05:00

Almost there! I have almost made it through the 30-posts-in-30-days that is NaBloPoMo. My Bloglines is full beyond full, I've left very few comments on other blogs, but I have posted almost 30 posts this month. I almost missed today also, primarily due to being sick and trying to get work done for tomorrow.

What's that, you ask? Wasn't I just sick? Why yes, I was.

College students + children + airline travel + not enough sleep = Erin's immune system under attack

On the bright side, there are only 4 days of classes left for me! On the busy side, this week includes:

1. The last 4 days of classes, which means hordes of panicked students who've decided that now would be the time to ask if there's any way they can still pass the class.

2. Lessons-and-Carols week: choir rehearsals every night except Wednesday, show on Friday, and two shows on Saturday. Please, please don't let me lose my voice again! And if you haven't bought your tickets but would still like to go, let me know--I can easily give you the ticket info! You would love the show...we sound incredible!

3. Patrick's 6th birthday: his party's not until the 13th but I still have to figure out birthday cupcakes for school and plan celebratory meals for that day. And that also means my baby is turning SIX! Wah! (More on Thursday.)

4. Time to write holiday cards! We've missed out the last 2 years but have sworn that we will get them out this year.

5. I have to plan an activity with cells and microscopes to present to high school teachers on Friday.

Off to bed--this will be a busy week!

NaBloPoMo 28--Home again, home again, jiggity jog

2009-11-28T21:28:00.000-05:00

We just got home a little while ago from a wonderful Thanksgiving trip to visit Jason's family. It was really great to see everyone and spend time with them--we can't wait to do it again!

I'd just like it known that I am currently 3-0 for visits to a casino without losing money. Jason is not.

(And yes, I do gamble. I spent almost 2 hours playing blackjack ($3 table. I gamble but am not stupid). I started with $60 and finished with...$60 exactly. I was down to about $20 at one point, up to almost $100 at another point, and was right back where I started when I finished. It was lots of fun and since I always plan on losing any money I bring, I consider it a huge success!)

The kids just went to bed, as they are on Mountain time right now and it just now feels like bedtime. They had a great time being spoiled at Grandma and Grandpa's house and have already lamented having to leave several times.

OK, I'm exhausted and going to bed. More tomorrow, with the very few pictures I took before my camera battery died!

NaBloPoMo 27--Flashback Friday

2009-11-27T16:13:00.000-05:00

And...I'm officially caught up on missing blog posts!

Patrick normally has reasonably good fashion sense, but he decided to abdicate all ability to match patterns one day in early summer--and this was the result. The shirt and shorts were bad enough, but then he passed over all the normal plain colored socks in his drawer and decided on the camouflage pair. It could only have been worse if he'd chosen his tie-dyed shirt instead of that one, and I don't know that it would have been THAT much worse.

NaBloPoMo 26--Morning snickers

2009-11-27T11:28:00.000-05:00

Melkamu: "I hurt my arm!"

Me: "Oh no Kamu, what happened?"

Melkamu, very matter-of-factly: "Shark."

The Morrey, The Merrier!

NaBloPoMo 2: The quick fail

Oh no, it's time for NaBloPoMo!!!

My baby amuses me

5-minute post

Awesome things about being a parent...

Ellie at 5 months

*Tap tap tap*

Got it!

Passing time

Making adjustments

Kids, kids, kids

Just a quickie

Three is even more fun than two

A little bit of Eleanor in my life

"Oh, she's going to be a delightful 2-year-old"

Eleanor Desta has arrived!

The lazy photoblogging day

Home is where the heart is

Heartbreaking

Recent changes

Snow no!

Carrying those scars inside

Patrick turns 7!

December 2nd

NaBl...oh wait, it's over. In that case...

NaBloPoMo 30: Oh, thank goodness

NaBloPoMo 29: The return of Fred

NaBloPoMo 28: I carry out my threat

NaBloPoMo 27: They are really cute

NaBloPoMo 26: The day in which I gave up

NaBloPoMo 25: Thanksgiving

NaBloPoMo 24: Wordless Wednesday--Bwahahahahaha!

NaBloPoMo 23: How do people do it?

NaBloPoMo 22: Jason

NaBloPoMo 21: A really nice trip

NaBloPoMo 20: In NY

NaBloPoMo 19: Melkamu

NaBloPoMo 18: Meme day!!!

NaBloPoMo 17: Wordless Wednesday--Cooking kids

NaBloPoMo 16: Placeholder

NaBloPoMo 15: Connections

NaBloPoMo 14: Made it!

NaBloPoMo 13: Soccer kids

NaBloPoMo 12: Type A and gold

NaBloPoMo 11: Title? Who needs a title?

NaBloPoMo 10: Thoughts about Ethiopia

NaBloPoMo 9: Back on track

NaBloPoMo 8: The forgotten day

NaBloPoMo 7: Total cop-out

NaBloPoMo 6: By the skin of my teeth

NaBloPoMo, day 5: Yep, they're mine

NaBloPoMo, day 4: On a serious note

NaBloPoMo, day 3: Wordless Wednesday

NaBloPoMo, day 2: Election Day

NaBloPoMo, year 2, day 1

Updates

Read Heather's post

And a follow-up to Anonymous

Boy Scouts and why the Morrey boys won't be joining

Treasuring every minute

A word from our author

Alaska--finally!

11th anniversary...no, Father's Day..no, day of sick kids

The summer hath begun

As summer begins...

And now for something completely different

Do you ever get bored?

The end of the semester is almost here

Conference comedy

Thoughts from the West Coast

Who switched my children?

Signs of spring at the Morrey home

It's important to be happy with yourself

Isn't that interesting...?

Sometimes things just work out right

Two years ago...

I miss my blog...

Gender bias and the schools

Flashback Friday--six years ago

Tap tap tap

NaBloPoMo 29--Nearly there (gasp, choke)